Lorelai: We're going to leave the spa, find a restaurant, and have a steak.
Emily: A steak?
Lorelai: Who's gonna stop us?
Emily: A steak.
Lorelai: Come on, Mom. What's it gonna be? Vicious trollop or the wide world of mung beans?
Emily: Let's go.
Lorelai: I'm right behind you.

Jess: Delivery.
Rory: What're you doing here?
Jess: Well, Luke figured since you're alone, he thought maybe you wouldn't have any food in the house. So he sent over a care package.
Rory: I don't need a care package. I ordered from Sandeep's.
Jess: Really? Plan on burning down the house afterwards?
Rory: Yes.
Jess: The only way to kill the smell.

Paris: Is that mac and cheese?
Rory: Sure is.
Paris: I love mac and cheese.
Rory: Great.
Paris: I'm not allowed to have mac and cheese.
Rory: Splurge. Come on, Paris, stay.
Paris: Do you have a 24-hour pharmacy in case I have an allergic reaction to something?
Rory: Believe it or not, we do.

Emily: We can't eat dinner at a bar.
Lorelai: I don't wanna wait an hour. And I'm wearing the wrong shoes for a drive-thru.
Emily: What will people think?
Lorelai: That we're loose women with questionable morals.
Emily: It's not right to eat dinner when your feet don't touch the floor.

Emily: I must tell you, I never expected this.
Lorelai: What?
Emily: Me inhaling peanuts at a singles bar.
Lorelai: This isn't a singles bar, Mom. It's a 60-40 bar.
Emily: A what?
Lorelai: 60-year-old men hitting on 40-year-old women. Divorces, mostly.
Emily: Really?
Lorelai: Look around.
Emily: Hmm. Oh, now, she can do better than that. What does she see in him?
Lorelai: Big will, short life span. The usual draw.

Paris: It's my fault.
Dean: What?
Paris: It's my fault that Jess was here. I saw him in the diner the day I came to Stars Hollow and I thought he was cute, and since I'm not great at the whole "batting the eyelashes, look at my belly shirt" kind of thing I asked Rory to help me. I thought if she could maybe get him over here, we'd have a chance to talk and... I don't know. It seems totally stupid now and it obviously didn't work, shock, but that's why he was here. [sighs] Thanks for trying to cover for me.
Rory: That's okay.
Paris: Anyway, I should get going. I'm probably gonna break out in some sort of rash any second now.

Lorelai: Mom, you didn't do anything wrong.
Emily: I don't know why I let you take me to this chophouse. I don't go to chophouses. What were you thinking?
Lorelai: Need food now?
Emily: And I certainly don't eat at bars. Hookers eat at bars.
Lorelai: Only if they can't get a table.
Emily: You're not funny.

Lorelai: Mom. Come on, there has to be something else. Something small.
Emily: Like what? Where are you going? Lorelai, come back here. You don't just walk out on a person. That's rude. That's a robe.
Lorelai: Yes. This is my robe. And I want you to go into your room and get your robe. And then, exactly at the same time, we're gonna shove these robes in our suitcases and we're gonna walk out that door and leave with them.
Emily: That's stealing.
Lorelai: Yes, it is.
Emily: You want me to steal? That's how we're going to bond?
Lorelai: Mom, you love this robe. You've talked about nothing but this robe since we got here. So this robe will be symbolic of our trip together.
Emily: Well, that's crazy. As soon as they check the room, they'll know the robes are gone. And then they're going to charge our credit card.
Lorelai: Well, how do you know?
Emily: Because that's what the tag on the hanger says.
Lorelai: Well, the little tag on the hanger could be right, or the little tag on the hanger could just be there trying to scare us away from trying. Either way, whether we get away with it or not, it's something we did. You and I.

Emily: You're serious.
Lorelai: I'm folding this robe up.
Emily: Lorelai.
Lorelai: I'm putting this robe in my bag.
Emily: That's lunacy.
Lorelai: I am zipping up the bag that contains the robe.
Emily: I have a perfectly good robe at home.
Lorelai: Now, the only question is am I doing it alone?
Emily: Did you ever steal a robe with Rory?
Lorelai: No, Rory would never steal. She's far too moral for that. You, however, vicious trollop... what's it gonna be?
Emily: I should have my head examined.
Lorelai: We'll make an appointment when we get back.
Emily: You do know in the course of one night you've turned me into an adulterer and a thief.
Lorelai: I'll have you working at the Chicken Ranch by the end of the month.
Emily: I cannot believe I'm doing this.

Kirk: Excuse me. Are you done?
Lorelai: No, sorry, not yet.
Kirk: You're gonna eat half a piece of bacon that's been there for 10 minutes? Of course, you must be if you're saying you're not done. Because that's the only thing left. Unless you eat plates.
Lorelai: Go away.
Kirk: You're hogging the table.
Lorelai: If you keep it up, I'm ordering seconds.
Kirk: Fine.