Trix: Richard, I would like to be escorted into the dining room now.
Richard: Your wish is my command.
Emily: Uh, well, I'm not sure that dinner's ready just yet.
Trix: Well, perhaps our presence in the dining room will teach your help that when one is told dinner is at 7:00, people often expect dinner at 7:00.
Emily: But it's only 7:05, Mom.
Trix: Only 7:05? Richard, in the event that I'm kidnapped and ransom is demanded at a certain time, I would prefer that Emily not be in charge of the drop-off.

Emily: We're very proud of our Rory. She's going to Harvard.
Trix: Harvard?
Rory: Yes, ma'am.
Trix: Richard, how can you allow this girl to go to Harvard?
Richard: Now, Trix-
Trix: You're a Yale man. Your father was a Yale men.
Lorelai: Well, we want Rory to be whatever kind of man she wants to be.
Trix: That's enough jokes for this evening, Lorelai.
Lorelai: Sorry.

Rory: So I read your doctrine and I think our imaginary kingdom is off to a good start.
Paris: Yeah?
Rory: Yeah. I mean, the taxes are a little high and the landowner's power should be regulated a little more.
Paris: It was a little different time then.
Rory: Yeah, but the fundamental human needs were the same.
Paris: We're supposed to set it up within-
Louise: Ding, ding. No debating until I've had coffee.

Louise: We could spy.
Rory: Or we could wait for her to come back to see if she wants us to know.
Logan: Those who wait for information to find them spend a lot of time sitting by the phone. Those who find it themselves have something to say when it rings.
Rory: Nietzsche?
Louise: Dawson.
Rory: My next guess.

Louise: [to Paris] Tristin usually likes his girls bad. We'll have to do a Pink Ladies makeover on you. We'll turn you from a sweet Sandy into a slutty Sandy dancing at the school fair in high heels, black spandex, and permed hair.
Madeline: You can borrow my water bra.
Paris: Excuse me?
Madeline: It's like a padded bra, but it's filled with some sort of liquid so it moves.
Paris: It moves?
Madeline: Yes.
Paris: On its own?
Madeline: It makes you look natural.
Paris: Great. Thanks, but I'll pass.

Rory: If I'm not prepared tomorrow, Paris is going to have me sent to the Tower. But if things go well tonight, I bet it'll help tomorrow.
Lorelai: Tonight?
Rory: She's going on a date with Tristin.
Lorelai: How'd that happen?
Rory: I did a little matchmaking.
Lorelai: Lucy, how many times have I told you not to butt into other people's business?
Rory: Never.
Lorelai: Good. Go on.
Rory: That's all.

Rory: You wanna put that stuff down?
Paris: You said once that if I ever needed to talk to anyone, I could come talk to you.
Rory: Yes, I did.
Paris: Well, here I am.
Rory: Can I ask you a question?
Paris: Okay.
Rory: Why didn't you go to Madeline or Louise? Seems like they'd get that 'fabulous top' thing.
Paris: Oh, yeah, that they get. The supportive "you'll be fine and not throw twelve times up on the way to his car" thing, that they don't get.

Rory: Let's see what you've got.
Paris: I brought everything in case there was hidden potential in something I didn't see. So?
Rory: You'd be one well-dressed widow. This is your entire wardrobe? Nothing's left at home?
Paris: Just my uniform and my bat mitzvah dress with menorahs on the collar.

Paris: This whole thing is insane.
Rory: Why?
Paris: Tristin asking me out. Why would he do that?
Rory: Why not?
Paris: He's gorgeous and experienced and only dates likely trophy wives.
Rory: Tristin would be lucky to go out with someone like you. He won't have to read the menu to you or explain that the dancing trash bins in the movie previews aren't real.

Paris: I feel weird.
Rory: Well, weird works for you because you look amazing.
Paris: Really? You're not just saying that?
Rory: I swear to God.
Paris: Are you atheist?
Rory: Excuse me?
Paris: Because that affects the whole validity of your swearing to God.