Tristin: [British accent] Excuse me, stock boy, could you tell me where I could find the shortening? Now that is a fine-looking apron. I mean, really sensational.
Dean: What are you doing here?
Tristin: [normal voice] Well, to be honest, there's something I wanted to ask you. In your professional opinion, which one of these would make my cakes fluffier?
Dean: You drove all the way out here just to be a jerk? There aren't enough people who can't stand you in Hartford?
Tristin: Oh, no. I'm here for Rory.
Dean: What?
Tristin: The play, Romeo and Juliet?
Dean: What about it?
Tristin: I'm Romeo. She's Juliet. Hey, come on, she must have told you. She did tell you, didn't she?
Dean: Look, I think you'd better leave.
Tristin: [drops a bag of flour] Oops, I am so sorry. I am such a klutz. Here. On me. This should cover it. [drops cash]
Dean: You know what? I hope for Rory's sake that you got an understudy.

Rory: I need talk about something serious.
Tristin: Serious? I'm intrigued.
Rory: Dean's coming to rehearsal tonight.
Tristin: Wow. Are you sure they can spare him? What if there's a run on baked beans?
Rory: Can't you shut up for five seconds, please?

Tristin: I have to bail, before we get to the hugging part. And ask your boyfriend to remind me when it's coupon day, okay?

Lorelai: Taking pity on your burger?
Rory: I'm not hungry.
Lorelai: Honey, you really got to eat. You're going to kill yourself in a couple of hours. You really need your strength.
Rory: Ha ha.

Rory: I always wanted a little brother.
Lorelai: He looked older the other night.
Rory: How much older could he possibly look?
Lorelai: A lot. He's usually scruffy. The baseball cap hides the funky-hair thing.
Rory: He should have been holding a yo-yo, a lollipop and wearing a beanie with a propeller on it.
Lorelai: He's in his 20s.
Rory: He must have been a very good boy to deserve such a happy day. I bet they let him ride a pony.

Lorelai: You want to say something, too?
Luke: No.
Lorelai: Don't hold back on my account.
Luke: I wouldn't. [to two young boys at the counter] Would you guys mind moving down a couple stools? It'd make me more comfortable.
Lorelai: This is me leaving.
Luke: Hey, how do I know what the cutoff is.
Lorelai: And no tip. I wonder why.
Luke: Hey, at least if you had one of those height bars, like at amusement-park rides...
Lorelai: Bye, now.

Tristin: Here's to my love. O true apothecary, thy drugs are quick. Line.
Paris: "Thus with a kiss I die." How hard is that to remember?
Tristin: "Thus with a kiss I die."
Paris: Right.
Tristin: And then I kiss her, right?
Paris: Yes, you say, "Thus with a kiss I die.", then you kiss her and die. Why are you smiling? Do you think this is a joke? The performance is tomorrow.
Tristin: Wait, tomorrow? My God! I totally missed it the first 47 times you said it.
Paris: I warned you. I am not going to fail this because of you. I will replace you with Brad in a second.
Brad: Oh, dear God, no.

Sookie: Oh, I'm so excited. Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet. It's so romantic. "Oh, Romeo!" Blah, blah, blah... That's all the Shakespeare I know.

Lorelai: Hey, Luke, you should come with us and watch Rory perform.
Luke: Can't.
Lorelai: Come on. How often do you get to see teenagers speak iambic pentameter and kill themselves?
Luke: No, thanks. But have a good time. Bring plenty of baseball cards to pass out your phone number on.
Lorelai: Enough already! The horse is dead. His ashes have been sprinkled over the land. Let it rest.
Miss Patty: Lorelai, there you are, you naughty girl. [chuckles]
Lorelai: He was not that much younger than I am. I met him at business school, not his bar mitzvah. Business school has to indicate some kind of maturity, right?
Luke: Doogie Howser was a doctor at 16.
Lorelai: Doogie Howser was not real.
Luke: How sad for you.

Lorelai: This is incredible. I go on one stupid date, and suddenly I'm the female Jerry Lee Lewis.
Sookie: Forget it, honey. The town likes to tease. Plus, he did look really young.
Lorelai: You didn't even see him.
Sookie: Kirk snapped pictures.