Paris: Hey, where did he come from? What's up there? Is that where you keep the girls? You got a little cathouse up there?
Jess: Wow, I think she got you, Uncle Luke. You better give up now.
Luke: Do not add to this insanity.
Jess: An innocent boy like me should not be raised in an atmosphere like this.
Luke: Jess.
Jess: I want to be good. Life's just not letting me.
Luke: Rory, get her out of here.
Rory: Okay. Let's go.
Paris: Why do you need me to leave? What have you got to hide?

Lorelai: This is really good.
Rory: Yeah. What is it?
Lorelai: No, don't tell us.
Rory: Why not?
Lorelai: Because every time I've had something great, but didn't know what it was it turned out to be something disgusting that I wouldn't have tried in the first place.
Rory: For example?
Lorelai: Snails.
Rory: Gross.
Lorelai: Eat in ignorance and enjoy.
Rory: Gladly.

Richard: You know what else I noticed?
Rory: What?
Richard: A first-edition Flaubert mint condition, shoved behind several of my Churchill biographies.
Rory: No.
Richard: Interested?
Rory: My life is good.
Richard: Follow me.
Lorelai: Oh, Dad, see if you can find the new Chanel patent leather pirate boots stuffed back behind your Churchills.

Paris: Why am I the only one who cares?
Rory: You're not the only one who cares.
Paris: No, I know you care, but I need everyone in this room to care because I can't be the only one to care, besides you.
Louise: It's just a contest, Paris. It's not like you get a car or a lifetime supply of Rice-A-Roni.
Madeline: God, I love that stuff.
Paris: The Oppenheimer Award for Excellence in school journalism is not a contest. It's a statement. It says you're the best. The best writers, the best reporters, the best editors. It says you have crushed all others who have dared to take you on. It says that every other single school in the United States of America is feeling nothing but shame, defeat and pain because of the people who won the Oppenheimer plaque. I want to be those people. I want to cause that pain.

Rory: Our paper is good.
Paris: Not good enough.
Rory: Last week's issue-
Paris: Was a fine effort by a bunch kids.
Madeline: We are a bunch of kids.
Paris: Not when we're in this room. Lessure Prep Gazette, Broadmouth Banner, Richmond Heights Chronicle... these publications are not our competition. The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post... these publications are our competition.
Louise: Paris has gone bye-bye.
Paris: We need to raise the bar. We need to be better, think harder, dig deeper. I don't want to just submit a good issue, I want to submit a great issue, the best issue.

Emily: [on the phone] You have to take your father.
Lorelai: What?
Emily: Tomorrow, for the whole day. Just take him.
Lorelai: Take him where?
Emily: I don't care. The zoo, the mall, Rhode Island... Just get him out of my house.
Lorelai: What happened?
Emily: He's going to join my water aerobics class.
Lorelai: What?
Emily: He bought some new swim trunks today. He's out of control.

Lorelai: Well, this is it, Luke's.
Richard: You know, when I was in college, there was this horrible little diner across from my apartment building. It was run by this terrible little couple. They were very angry. They would fight, break plates, curse. And I went in there every morning for three years and I had the most dreadful breakfasts. Just awful. I really miss that place.

Lorelai: I'm talking about Dean and the car.
Richard: I was being-
Lorelai: You have no right being anything. Rory's my kid, and I make the rules. If she comes home and says: "Hey, I'm gonna spend the weekend with Patricia KrenwinkeI" and I say, "Okay, grab a sweater", you just have to deal.
Richard: Who's Patricia Krenwinkel?

Jess: Nice picture.
Rory: Gee, thanks.
Jess: You're very popular right now. I bet if you burn a few books, they'd probably make you mayor.
Rory: This is ridiculous.
Jess: I don't know. I think you have a lot of supporters on this. Pat Buchanan, Jerry Falwell, Kathie Lee Gifford.

Emily: I saw Kiki Lennox today. She's redoing her entire house. I have to say, it's given me a few ideas about this place. I won't scare you with them tonight, but I'm very excited about it.
Richard: I'm glad.
Emily: Then I did a little shopping and had my nails done.
Richard: Very nice.
Emily: Sugar and Spice, a little crazier than I usually wear but I don't know, I was just in that kind of a mood