Rory: I think this one's mine.
Jess: Yep. The sign says "Booneville".

Lorelai: Keep an eye on my parents. Make sure they don't disrupt anything. My mother doesn't behead anyone. My father doesn't snore too loudly when he falls asleep.
Sookie: They're not going to do anything like that.
Lorelai: I'm sorry. Haven't you met them?
Sookie: Why would they come and do that?
Lorelai: They're here because Rory invited them.
Sookie: No.
Lorelai: Yes. They can't say no to that little face. It's like hitting a puppy with a rolled-up newspaper.

Lorelai: Well, Rory, where were you? What happened?
Rory: I cut school.
Lorelai: You what?
Rory: I cut school, and I got on a bus, and I don't even know why I did it. I have no excuse. I was just standing outside of Chilton, and I don't know... I must have had a stroke or something. What does a stroke feel like?
Lorelai: I don't know. Not good, probably.
Rory: And I left school and I got on a bus and I went to New York. And that's it. I am grounded for six months or seven. And no TV, no stereo, no reading. In fact, take all of my books away from me and lock them up.
Lorelai: Hold on here, you went to New York?
Rory: And no magazines, either. And I'm going to do all the housework. Laundry, dishes. In fact, we're gonna start eating at home so we have dishes.
Lorelai: Rory, stop. Why did you go to New York?
Rory: To see Jess.
Lorelai: Boy, do you know how to bury the lede.

Rory: I don't know what happened.
Lorelai: You went to New York to see Jess.
Rory: It was a stroke. It made me someone else. And after his phone call last night-
Lorelai: That was him?
Rory: It did something to me. I don't know what. In fact, you should take the phone away from me, too. That's right. Add it to the list. No books, no music, no phone.
Lorelai: Okay, Rory.
Rory: I'm a horrible person.
Lorelai: You're not a horrible person.
Rory: I'm sick. I'm ill. I'm cracked. This is not who I am. If I were to write this down in my diary and I would read it, I would be like, "Who is this freak? This isn't me. This isn't my diary." I wouldn't do this. I wouldn't skip school when I had finals coming up to go see a guy that isn't even my guy and end up missing my mother's graduation, which I wanted to be at so badly. That's someone else. That's someone flighty, and stupid, and dumb, and girlie. And... I mean, I missed your graduation, which is the worst thing I could have possibly done. And I hurt you, and I had to spend hours on a stinky bus next to a guy that was spitting into a can, just thinking about all the minutes that were going by that I wasn't at your graduation and they were hurting you, and they should have been hurting you because it was so selfish of this person who wasn't me to do what she did.
Lorelai: Okay, my God, take a breath.
Rory: I don't deserve a breath. No breaths. You should add that to the list. You should beat me, ground me, take the phone away, and deprive me of air.

Lorelai: Okay, look, nobody wants to say this any less than me but... maybe you don't have a medical condition or a mental problem. Maybe, honey, you are falling for Jess.
Rory: No.
Lorelai: Wel...
Rory: No, I love Dean. Dean is my boyfriend. He will always be my boyfriend. That's it. Forever.
Lorelai: Oh, maybe not forever.
Rory: Yes. Forever. I love Dean. And Jess is gone now. Everything's gonna be good again. Everything's gonna be all right.
Lorelai: Rory, you cut school.
Rory: Yeah, I know.
Lorelai: You got on a bus and went to a strange city in your uniform to see Jess.
Rory: I know.
Lorelai: That doesn't mean nothing. That means something.

Rory: No. I don't want to talk about this anymore. The only thing I want to talk about is the list I made on the bus of all the ways I'm going to make this up to you. "You get total control over the remote and the stereo for as long as you want. Total control over takeout food choices and a special surprise present every day for a month." And, oh, my God. I left your present on the bus.
Lorelai: What present?
Rory: It was a vinyl copy of the Go-Go's original album signed by Belinda. But it's not the only copy. I'm gonna find another copy. That's going on the list, too.
Lorelai: Okay, honey, please. Forget about the list until tomorrow.
Rory: Okay, I'll just go to bed then. I'll go to my room.
Lorelai: Hold on one second. Does this mean I have to eat alone?
Rory: Well, it's up to you. Sending me to bed without supper. You can't lose with that punishment. It's a classic.
Lorelai: I'd rather go out with my daughter tonight.
Rory: I don't deserve it.
Lorelai: No. But I do.
Rory: Okay, just let me take a shower and get the horrible smell of this horrible day off of me. Then we'll go anywhere you want. My treat. And I won't enjoy it. Then we'll come home, and I'll go straight to bed and have a terrible night's sleep, okay?
Lorelai: Sounds great.
Rory: I'm so, so sorry, Mom.

Rory: Where is this place?
Lorelai: Not too far.
Rory: You've been saying that for miles. My feet are sore.
Lorelai: When did you become older than me?
Rory: Tell me what this new breakfast place is, and I'll be quiet.
Lorelai: It an amazing new mystery place I found. That's all I'm telling you.
Rory: Just tell me if it's in this town or the next?
Lorelai: We don't patronize the next town.
Rory: Since when?
Lorelai: I don't know. Didn't they feed lead to our jumping frog or something?
Rory: Oh, yeah, right after they stoned the woman who won the lottery.
Lorelai: See, so the boycott's legit.

Lane: Wait. Stop.
Lorelai: Oh, my God, look, it's Michael Landon.
Lane: Boy, you guys walk fast. I've been chasing you the past two blocks.
Rory: Hey, we were being followed.
Lorelai: I told you I wasn't being paranoid. Maybe next time you'll take me seriously when I say the furniture moved itself.

Rory: It makes me feel guilty.
Lorelai: Eating can help drown that.
Sookie: Yeah, eat. I'm gonna eat.
Rory: Gee, can the help sit at the table, too?
Lorelai: As long as they don't sing folk songs or tell bawdy stories.

Lorelai: Hey, I had a good idea for the wedding.
Sookie: Cool.
Lorelai: Instead of wrapped Jordan almonds things at every place setting, what if we wrap up a few Aspirin?
Sookie: Aspirin?
Lorelai: For the morning-after hangovers.
Sookie: [laughs] That's funny.
Lorelai: 'Cause Jordan almonds are so done. Jackson, what do you think? Aspirin over almonds? [Jackson mumbles in his sleep] Can we take that as a yes?
Sookie: No. Everything eventually registers. He'll chime in on this in a couple of days.