Emily: What on earth does Frank Lloyd Wright have to do with my salad?
Richard: And your walnuts.
Lorelai: Mrs. Wright apparently had this major problem with her help. She was very rough on them and they totally hated her. So this guy who had worked for her forever, he had finally had enough. I believe the incident was over walnuts, wasn't it, honey?
Rory: The exact cause has not been proven.
Lorelai: Anyhow, Mrs. Wright invites this whole posse of people over for dinner and they're all sitting around eating, and Mr. Disgruntled Servant Guy goes outside and locks all the doors and windows and douses the whole house in gasoline and sets the place on fire.
Emily: My goodness.
Lorelai: So the house is on fire, and people are freaking out, so they run to the doors but the doors are locked, so a few of them try to get out through the windows, but Mr. Angry-Puss is standing outside with an ax hacking them to death and so they all died.
Emily: Why on earth would you tell me that story?
Lorelai: All I'm saying is, sometimes eating a walnut is preferable to getting hacked to death or set on fire during dinner.
Emily: One of these days I'm going to make you eat in your room.

Luke: It's time to lay down a few ground rules, sit. All right, first off, when she is up here, that door stays open.
Jess: Excuse me?
Luke: You are not allowed on either end of this apartment. You are, instead, to remain here in the middle portion of the room. You may sit on the couch or on the chair, as long as you two are sitting on separate seats, i.e. when you're on the couch, then she's on the chair. When she's on the couch, then you're on the chair.
Jess: I get it, thank you.
Luke: On weekdays, you will have her home by nine. On weekends, you will have her home by eleven. Any evidence of alcohol, cigarette smoke, or anything else that Nancy Reagan would find unacceptable and you will not be allowed near her without an adult present. Are these rules clear?

Lorelai: Rory, let me explain something to you. The way you survive a road trip with my mother is to make sure you have all your bases covered, leave nothing to chance. Never give her the opportunity to give you a thirty-minute lecture on how, if you'd brought the second bathing suit like she told you to, it wouldn't have mattered that the first one's strap broke in a freak pool slide incident that no one, including the Amazing Kreskin, could've predicted, you would've been covered.
Rory: I have to bring a bathing suit? It's thirty degrees outside.
Lorelai: This was an example based on a true story. Now, get a skirt to go with this.
Rory: But I'm still confused. When are we changing?
Lorelai: Not the point.
Rory: We're driving, we're walking, we're eating tacos, and we're driving again.
Lorelai: Check the list.
Rory: Why do I need rain boots?
Lorelai: Why are you still questioning me?
Rory: Should I bring both a rain hat and an umbrella, or will one or the other do? Forget it, stupid question.

Lorelai: You're seriously gonna run all over town looking for Jess and Rory?
Luke: If I have to, yes. And if you were really a concerned mother, you'd go out there with me.
Lorelai: No, I can't do that. But if you like, I'll let you sniff Rory's sweater. Maybe her scent will help you track them down.
Luke: The things you find amusing astound me sometimes. [grabs Rory's sweater]
Lorelai: You're not really gonna sniff it.
Luke: No, it's cold out. She might need it.

Lorelai: Oh my God. Thank you.
Rory: I never realized Luke's was a hundred miles away.
Lorelai: We're lucky it wasn't snowing. It would've been The Donner Party all over again, but with slightly better hair.

Kirk: Oh, excuse me, did my trophy bump you?
Lorelai: No, Kirk, it didn't.
Kirk: Good, because the size of it is so large that sometimes I can't judge where the exact end of it is.
Lorelai: We're fine, Kirk.
Kirk: I'm glad, because these shiny golden edges are actually very sharp. They could take an eye out or cause a deep gash completely unintentionally.
Lorelai: Yeah.
Kirk: It's almost more a weapon than a trophy.
Lorelai: Really? Can I hold it, then?
Luke: Get out of the way, Kirk. You're blocking the door.
Kirk: Luke, I'll be needing one of your larger tables this morning, since your smaller tables simply cannot accommodate the sheer size of my massive trophy.
Luke: Put it on the floor.
Kirk: It needs its own chair.
Luke: It's gonna need some glue if you don't sit down pretty soon.
Kirk: Everybody hates a winner.

Jess: Hi.
Rory: Hi.
Jess: Hi.
Lorelai: Hi.
Jess: Hi.
Luke: Hi.
Rory: I have to get to school.
Jess: Yeah, me too.
Rory: Bye.
Jess: Bye. Bye.
Lorelai: Bye.
Rory: Bye.
Lorelai: Bye.
Rory: Bye.
Luke: Bye. What the hell was that?
Lorelai: That was episode one of Rory and Jess: The Early Years.

Lorelai: You know what, I've spent a lot of time and energy fighting the whole Jess thing. Rory's made her choice, I want her to be happy. I'm just hoping for the best at this point.
Luke: Very romantic.
Lorelai: Says the man who yelled "Finally!" at the end of Love Story.

Lorelai: God, I'm starved.
Rory: Think about something else.
Lorelai: Like what?
Rory: Something disgusting that will take your appetite away.
Lorelai: Ari Fleischer?
Richard: Ari Fleischer is our nation's mouthpiece, young lady.
Lorelai: Officially not hungry now.

Richard: Preparing for college can be a daunting task. I remember when I was preparing for Yale.
Rory: Bad?
Richard: I don't believe I slept the entire year. I didn't even cut my hair for two months.
Rory: Grandpa!
Richard: Oh, yes, it was quite a scandal. But in the end, it was all worth it.
Rory: Yes?
Richard: My years at Yale were absolutely the most gratifying ones of my life. Just the sheer freedom of knowing that anything I wanted to learn, I could learn right there. Plus, the history of the place, the heritage... my father went to Yale.
Rory: I know.
Richard: I also made wonderful friends there. Friends I still have today.
Rory: That must be nice.