Man: [o.s.] Town meeting! Town meeting!
Lorelai: [gasps] What was that?
Luke: Some dead guy yelling something.
Lorelai: Ghosts are yelling something outside the house?
Luke: No, guys I'm gonna kill yelling stuff outside the house.
Man: [o.s.] Town meeting.
Lorelai: What are they saying?
Luke: There was a clown beating?
Lorelai: Not again.

Man: [o.s.] Town meeting. Town meeting.
Luke: No, they're saying, "town meeting."
Lorelai: Town meeting? At this hour?
Luke: What the hell is Taylor up to?
Lorelai: All right, guess we better go.
Luke: Let's get back to sleep.
Lorelai: What?
Luke: I'm going back to bed.
Lorelai: I'm not going back to sleep. Come on, it's a town meeting.
Luke: It's the middle of the night.
Lorelai: Oh, sorry, we might miss something.

Taylor Doose: [on video chat] People, we have a tremendous problem that needs our immediate attention. That's why I chose the extraordinary step of broadcasting to you tonight from this remote location. Ow!
Luke: What was that?
Lorelai: Looked like a ping-pong ball.
Taylor Doose: Now, as we all know, the annual Stars Hollow Winter Carnival is this weekend. Ow! Timmy, do not throw ping-pong balls at me.
Boy: [o.s.] You're a doo-doo head. And do not call me a doo-doo head. I'm in the middle of something important.
Luke: Where the hell are you, Taylor?
Taylor Doose: I'm at my sister's in Maine. Anyway, we have never not had a Stars Hollow Winter Carnival. It's a 125-year tradition.
Lorelai: Is he getting to the point soon?
Babette: Yeah, come on, doo-doo head.
Taylor Doose: Fine, let's cut to the chase. I run the winter carnival, it's this weekend, and I am snowed in, unable to get back into town. [silence]
Miss Patty: So, what's this about, Taylor?
Taylor Doose: Maybe it's the lateness of the hour or the computer connection isn't clear. Doo-doo head! We have never had to cancel a carnival, and it's absolutely impossible for me to get back into town to run it.
Babette: I must be tired. I'm not getting this.
Miss Patty: It's like a riddle or something.

Taylor Doose: [on video chat] People, are you not hearing me? I won't be there to run the carnival! Draw the obvious conclusion.
Miss Patty: Oh, okay, I got it now.
Taylor Doose: Thank you, Patty.
Miss Patty: Kirk, could you take it over?
Kirk: Sure.
Miss Patty: Great. Anything else, Taylor?
Taylor Doose: Oh, well, good for you, people. I guess we don't have to cancel it after all.

Lorelai: Kirk, you needed carnival-game volunteers and I volunteered. What's with the hassle?
Kirk: Well, we do things like ring toss and rope ladder climbing. Your choice is unorthodox.
Lorelai: That's because I'm not orthodox. I'm liberal with a touch of reform and a smidgen of zippity-pow.

Paris: You like the Washington Post, do you?
Phil: Yes.
Paris: Because they like to split their infinitives, the Washington Post, especially their metro writers, but I don't.
Phil: I'm not seeing-
Paris: "The council member chose to forcefully waive her right of veto."
Phil: Consider it unsplit.

Lorelai: What's with the sweats?
Taylor Doose: I'm incognito. Don't you see? With the carnival coming up, this is my Huckleberry Finn opportunity to observe things invisibly. You know, I'm not gonna be around forever, Lorelai.
Lorelai: Oh, Taylor, are you sick?
Taylor Doose: No, just mortal. And eventually someone - maybe Kirk - is going to have to take over the many delicate tasks I perform for this town. The streetlamp illumination monitoring, the lawn-height measuring.
Lorelai: Now I'm just getting sad.
Taylor Doose: Please keep my secret, huh?
Lorelai: Mum's the word.
Taylor Doose: Well, I should go.
Lorelai: Back to 8 Mile?
Taylor Doose: What?
Lorelai: Nothing. Ooh, behind you.

Lorelai: Why are you putting the exact same booth right next to my booth?
Kirk: Well, frankly, I have my doubts about your dog's ability to predict the future.
Lorelai: You have your doubts?
Kirk: Yeah, and in order to satisfy our guests, I'm hedging our bets by putting the real thing next door so that no one walks away bamboozled.
Lorelai: Kirk, there is no real thing. It's all fake. Those tarot cards are not real. My dog cannot predict the future.
Kirk: So you admit it?
Lorelai: I was never hiding it.
Kirk: That's fraud.
Lorelai: It's a doggy swami.
Kirk: My girlfriend says tarot cards are real.
Lorelai: Well, I like your girlfriend, but the cards are no more real than my dog.

Lorelai: Ugh, gives my skin that weird, tingly feel like something's bubbling underneath it.
Sookie: It makes the root of my tongue feel like it's retracting back into my throat.
Lorelai: What don't they pour it on something... a waffle, a pancake?

Luke: Lorelai, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I'm sorry. It's all just a blur of stuff happening. I mean, she just came into the diner two months ago, no warning, talking about a science fair and how I may be her father. She pulled my hair out and DNA-tested it. Then I wanted to forget the whole thing, but I went to the fair and found out the truth. And we were at the park, and she wanted to come here. I called you today, wanting a moment to talk about it, but you were busy, and so I put it off again. And here we are.
Lorelai: [sighs] Here we are.
Luke: It's stupid. I'm stupid.
Lorelai: Look, I need to digest this and you have to get back inside, so I'm just gonna go someplace where I can digest this and we'll just talk more later, okay?
Luke: Sure. Whenever you want.
Lorelai: Okay.
Luke: I'm sorry.