‘The One with the Thumb’
Season 1, Episode 3 - Aired October 6, 1994
Phoebe is upset by a streak of unwarranted good luck after the bank credits her money that isn't rightfully hers. Meanwhile, Monica is annoyed when the group like her new boyfriend, Alan, more than she does, and Chandler starts smoking again.
Quote from Chandler
Joey: Does the knuckle-cracking bother everybody, or just him?
Rachel: Well, I could live without it.
Joey: Huh. Well, is it a little annoying? Or is it like when Phoebe chews her hair?
Ross: Now, don't listen to him, Pheebs, all right? I think it's endearing.
Joey: Oh, [emphasizing every word] you do, do you?
[Monica snorts]
Ross: You know, there's nothing wrong with speaking correctly.
Rachel: [emphasizing every word] Indeed there isn't. I should really get back to work.
Phoebe: Yeah, otherwise someone might get what they actually ordered.
Rachel: Oh. The hair comes out and the gloves come off.
[As the group bicker, Chandler enjoys his cigarette]
Quote from Chandler
Ross: [replaces Chandler's nicotine patch] There you go.
Chandler: Ooh, I'm alive with pleasure now.
Quote from Chandler
Chandler: That's it. I'm getting cigarettes.
Ross: No!
Chandler: I don't care! I don't care. Game's over. I'm weak. I've gotta smoke! I've gotta have the smoke.
Phoebe: If you never smoke again, I'll give you $7000.
Chandler: Yeah, all right.
Quote from Chandler
Joey: Don't you respect for your body?
Ross: Don't you realize what you're doing to yourself?
Chandler: Hey, you know, I've had it with you guys and your cancer, your emphysema, and your heart disease. The bottom line is, smoking is cool, and you know it.
Quote from Chandler
Monica: Hey, where's Joey?
Chandler: Joey ate my last stick of gum, so I killed him. Do you think that was wrong?
Quote from Chandler
Monica: Chandler, what are you doing? What are you doing?
Phoebe: Oh, gross!
Ross: What is this?
Chandler: I'm smoking!
Phoebe: Oh, I can't believe you. You've been so good for three years!
Chandler: And this is my reward.
Quote from Chandler
Ross: So I think Alan is the yardstick by which future boyfriends will be measured.
Rachel: Future boyfriends? I think this could be "it."
Monica: Really?
Chandler: Oh, yeah. I'd marry him for his David Hasselhoff impression alone.
Quote from Chandler
Chandler: This is so unfair.
Ross: Why is it unfair?
Chandler: So I have a flaw! Big deal! Like Joey's constant knuckle-cracking isn't annoying? Ross, with his over-pronouncing every word. And Monica, with that snort when she laughs.
I mean, what the hell is that thing? I accept all those flaws. Why can't you accept me for this?
Quote from Rachel
Rachel: Okay, okay, okay. Don't tell me. Decaf cappuccino for Joey. [to Ross] Coffee, black. [to Chandler] Latte. [to Monica] And an iced tea. 'm getting pretty good at this.
Ross: Excellent!
Rachel: Good for me!
[The gang all swap their drinks]
Quote from Ross
Ross: You now what I like most about him, though?
Phoebe: What?
Ross: The way he makes me feel about myself.
Phoebe: Yeah.
Joey: Yeah.