Monica: The game's over. Take off your robe.
Joey: Okay, I mean-
All: Close it up! Close it up!
Joey: Nice to meet you.

Joey: That's why I didn't invite you. You have to calm down, all right? Just get yourself a drink or something.
Monica: Oh, yeah, that's what you want. My inhibitions lowered.

Monica: Oh, my God, can you believe we're surrounded by all this? I can barely control myself.
Phoebe: Monica, you might want to remember that you're married. Where is Chandler anyway?
Monica: Oh, my God. Chandler!

Monica: Hey, Joey said no autographs. But if she's getting one, I want one too! "To Monica." And none of this "best wishes" crap. I want "love."
Rachel: Okay, actually, Mon, Matthew was giving me his phone number.
Monica: Oh, man. If I had known I was coming to this party I never would've gotten married!

Monica: Look at you with all the guys. I guess you've forgotten all about Joey.
Joey: Yeah, well, I guess I have forgotten about Joey. And clearly, you've forgotten about Chandler.
Monica: Please. Chandler's the love of my life. Oh, leather pants. Have mercy.

Ross: So it's probably gonna be hard for you to leave Boston, huh?
Charlie: Actually, I'm kind of happy to be leaving. I just broke up with someone.
Ross: Oh, so sad. Still, it can't be easy for you to leave Harvard. Especially after working alongside a Nobel Prize winner like Albert Wintermeyer.
Charlie: Actually, Albie is the guy I broke up with.
Ross: You dated Albert Wintermeyer?
Charlie: Yeah.
Ross: And you called him "Albie"? I mean, that's like calling Albert Einstein ... Albie.

Charlie: Yeah, well, he is a brilliant man.
Ross: You think? I mean, you went out with the guy who improved the accuracy of radiocarbon dating by a factor of 10!
Charlie: Yes, and while that is everything one looks for in a boyfriend he had a lot of issues.
Ross: Oh, like what? I'm sorry. I don't mean to pry. It's just that this must be what regular people experience when they watch "Access Hollywood."
Charlie: Okay, you want the dirt? Albie was seriously insecure. I mean, he was really intimidated by the guy I dated before him.
Ross: Who's intimidating to a guy who won the Nobel Prize?
Charlie: A guy who won two.
Ross: Two? What? Don't tell me you dated Benjamin Hobart?
Charlie: Yeah, for three years.
Ross: Oh, my God. Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who hasn't won the Nobel Prize?
Charlie: No. But there was my first boyfriend, Billy.
Ross: Oh, yeah? No Nobel Prizes for him?
Charlie: No, but he did just win a MacArthur "genius grant."
Ross: What a loser.

Ross: I can't compete with the guys she goes out with. They're so out of my league. Oh, my God!
Phoebe: Worse?
Ross: Oh, much, much worse. I did my impression of Joan Rivers as one of the earliest amphibians. "Can we walk?" [Phoebe laughs] Oh, you like that?
Phoebe: No.
Ross: What?
Rachel: Come on! I think that's funny! Woolly mammoth.

Joey: Dirk was wondering about the woman you brought and if you two are together?
Ross: Well, no, but I mean, she only goes out with really, really smart guys.
Dirk: Hey, I got a 690 on my SATs.
Ross: I'd lead with that.

Monica: That's it. Just sign right on the bra.
Joey: Monica!
Monica: Don't worry, Joe. I won't come next year.