Joey: Look, I hate this. You guys keep embarrassing me. Yesterday, Rachel found your razor in our bathroom. I didn't know what to say, so I said it was mine, and that I was playing a woman in a play. And, well, then one thing led to another, and ...
Monica: Wow. And around the ankles, you know that is a tough spot.
Joey: Yeah, it was.

Rachel: Hey, Pheebs, what are you reading?
Phoebe: Wuthering Heights. I'm taking a literature class at the new school and I have to finish it for the first session tomorrow.
Chandler: I didn't know you were taking a class. That's so cool.
Phoebe: Yeah, well, I really liked that Lamaze class I took. You know, and I thought this time I'd go for something more intellectual, with a less painful final exam.

Ross: [depressed] Hi.
Chandler: Hi.
Joey: What's wrong, buddy?
Ross: Someone at work ate my sandwich.
Chandler: Well what did the police say?

Ross: Look, I left a note and everything.
Chandler: "Knock-knock."
"Who's there?"
"Ross Geller's lunch."
"Ross Geller's lunch, who?"
"Ross Geller's lunch. Please don't take me. Okay?"
Joey: I'm surprised you didn't go home wearing your lunch.

Rachel: So, Pheebs, what is the book about?
Phoebe: I thought you said you read it in high school?
Rachel: Well, yeah. But then I remembered I started it, and then there was this pep rally and I was on top of the pyramid. But anyway, what's the book about?
Phoebe: Okay. It's this tragic love story between Cathy and Heathcliff. And, um, it takes place on these, like, really creepy moors in England. Which I think represent the wildness of Heathcliff's character. I totally get symbolism.

Teacher: How would you characterize the theme of this book? Let's see. Rachel Green?
Rachel: Ahem, um, well I would have to say that it's a tragic love story.
Teacher: Well, that's sort of a given but, yes. Anyone else?
Rachel: Ooh, ooh, ooh. Symbolism! And the wildness of the moors which I think, is mirrored in the wildness of Heathcliff's character.
Teacher: Excellent. What Rachel has shrewdly observed here-
Phoebe: You completely stole my answer.
Rachel: Well, honey, that was pretty obvious.
Phoebe: How would you know? You didn't even read it.

Ross: Phoebe, Phoebe. Your note? Amazing. Not only did no one touch my sandwich but people at work are actually afraid of me. Yeah, a guy called me "Mental." "Mental Geller." I've always wanted a cool nickname like that.
Monica: Yeah, the best you got in high school was "Wet Pants Geller."
Ross: It was the water fountain, okay?!

Ross: Anyway people are writing reports for me, uh, pushing back deadlines to fit my schedule. I'm telling you, you get tough with people and you can get anything you want. Hey, Tribbiani! Give me that coffee! Now! [Joey pushes Ross over the couch]

Cynthia: Oh, candles. What is that, a blanket? A video camera? Oh, my God. I can't believe you thought you'd tape us having sex on the first date!
Rachel: Joey, is what she just said- Oh, my God! You're actually going-
Chandler: What is going on here?
Rachel: And with Chandler in the next room. What are you, sick?
Joey: I'm Joey. I mean, I'm disgusting. I make low-budget adult films.

Joey: You guys promised you'd be more careful. I mean, come on, the good Joey name is being dragged through the mud here.