Martin: Do I still live here?
Frasier: Yes, of course you do, but I think for this evening it would be best if you just excused yourself. You see, it involves quick thinking and improvisational skills, and a knack for remembering details.
Martin: Well, I never used any of those skills as an undercover cop.
Niles: Oh, please, Dad, don't be offended.
Martin: I'm not offended, no. My two sons have just said I've got oatmeal for brains.

Frasier: Maris Crane, this is Mr. Clive Roddy.
Clive: It's a pleasure!
Roz: It certainly is. So, how long will you be in Seattle?

Martin: Come on, they're great guys. Stinky, Wolfman, Boom-Boom, Jim. Of course his name's not really Jim, we call him that because he likes to drink Jim Beam. Just like we call Hank "Bud," because he drinks Budweiser. Come on, you'd love these guys!
Niles: We're sherry drinkers, Dad. Think about it.

Frasier: And in closing, this goes out to Keith, the narcoleptic I spoke to a bit earlier. I'd be glad to resume when you feel a bit more alert. But in the meantime I suggest you reconsider applying for that air traffic control position. This is Dr. Frasier Crane, KACL, 780 AM.

Niles: Oh Dad, you're not thinking of driving all the way to Rattlesnake Ridge? It's five hours away. You know how your hip stiffens up.
Martin: No problem, they said I can bring a guest. So, who's the lucky one?
Frasier: By my count, two of us get to be lucky.

Niles: Anyway, I have a conference that weekend.
Daphne: And I have my friend Megan's birthday party.
Martin: Fras?
[The phone rings]
Frasier: Oh, please let that be Megan needing a clown for her party.

Daphne: Well, what do I say to him?
Frasier: Well, be honest, tell him how you feel.
Daphne: And break the poor thing's heart all over again?
Frasier: No, no, no, no. In the long run, honesty's the best way to avoid unnecessary anguish. Case in point: Dad, I do not have plans for next weekend, but I don't intend to spend it in the middle of nowhere with Budweiser and Boilermaker and their liver-damaged friend, Seltzer.

Martin: Well, that's fine. There'll be other reunions.
Frasier: [to Daphne] See? No evasions, no inconvenient conferences, just simple honesty.
Martin: But I don't suppose Jim will make it next time. Says here he just had his third bypass. But I'll see him at his funeral.
Frasier: Off to work.
Martin: Unless I go first.
Frasier: All right, I'll drive you to your stupid reunion!.
Martin: Thanks, son.
[After Frasier leaves:]
Martin: I guess I better wait a few days before telling him about Stinky needing a ride.

Frasier: Er, Roz, listen, I'm going to the opera tonight. You didn't happen to remember to bring my...
Roz: Oh, your opera glasses. I'm so sorry, they completely slipped my mind.
Frasier: I wouldn't really mind, if you hadn't borrowed them to ogle that bodybuilder that moved in across the street.
Roz: I looked once or twice. It's not like I copied his name off his mailbox, so I could look up his number and call him while he was in the shower, so I could watch him cross the room naked to answer the phone in front of the picture window. That would be wrong.
Frasier: I want them back. I refuse to squint through Pagliacci while you're trying to watch The Magic Flute.

Daphne: Dr. Crane, I need your opinion on this outfit. I wanted something that said "no romantic signals whatsoever."
Frasier: Well, short of a cactus corsage, I think you've captured it.