Niles: So who is this Clive?
Frasier: An ex-boyfriend?
Daphne: Worse! Ex-fiancé.
Niles: You were engaged?
Daphne: For years! We were mad for each other. He was very sweet and had the most gorgeous eyes you ever saw!
Niles: But-?
Daphne: Oh yes, that too!

Clive: My feelings for you haven't changed. I think about you every day, every night, and there comes a time in a man's life when he's got to sum up the courage to look at a woman straight in the eye and say-
Niles: Cheese nips?

Daphne: I just couldn't see a future with him. I mean, the man was a total layabout. No ambition, no drive. He couldn't hold a job. All he wanted to do was tinker about with his car. His fingers were always black from the motor oil.
Niles: What a brutish habit. If God intended for me to work on my Mercedes, he wouldn't have given me Horst.

Gil: Brilliant show, Frasier. Chock full of pithy insight.
Frasier: What do you want?
Gil: A favor. Bonnie Weems, the Auto Lady, just asked me to another one of her wretched dinner parties. Well, I was planning on saying that you and I have ballet tickets, so do back me up.
Frasier: Well, I'm sorry, I can't.
Gil: But you've got to. Have you any idea how vile her food is? The local raccoons have posted warning signs on her trash bin.
Frasier: Yes, you see, she already invited me, and I told her I was driving my father to his army reunion at Rattlesnake Ridge.
Gil: Oh, very clever. Well, I'd use it myself, only I killed my father off to escape her Labor Day clambake.

Clive: Six months? Well, you two are practically newlyweds.
Daphne: Yes, we're still at that honeymoon stage. It's sickening, really. [she kisses Niles]
Niles: Revolting! [Niles kisses her back] Positively stomach turning! [He tries to kiss again but she pulls away]
Daphne: Oh, Darling.

Daphne: Dr. Crane, I'm so sorry. It seemed the kindest way to let him down. I didn't mean to put you in such an awkward position.
Niles: When it comes to you, no position is too awkward.

Daphne: Clive, I see you've met my husband's brother.
Clive: Yes. I'm not intruding on some family occasion, am I?
Daphne: Oh, no! Frasier lives here. I mean, temporarily. You see, he's-
Niles: He's had a spat with his wife... Maris.
Clive: Sorry to hear that.
Frasier: Yes, me too.

Frasier: I told you to be honest. But would you listen? No! No, instead you subject us to this ridiculous charade. Daphne: Just play along, please. I swear, one drink and he's out the door.
Niles: He's staying for dinner.
Frasier: What?!
Daphne: Well, how did that happen?
Niles: He just sort of invited himself. Pretty damn cheeky if you ask me.
Daphne: Oh, dear God!
Niles: Obviously he still has hopes of winning you back. We must keep these signs of affection as realistic as possible.

Daphne: I'm warning you, one thing goes wrong and the whole deal's off.
Frasier: Nothing can go wrong. We just have to stick to our stories and avoid any complications.
Martin: [o.s.] Oh, I see we've got company!
[Frasier and Daphne rush out of the kitchen]
Niles: Dad!
Frasier: Dad!
Daphne: Dad!

Daphne: Clive, I'd like you to meet my new husband's father.
Frasier: Or, as we sometimes say in this country, father-in-law.