Roz: I'm sorry I brought Alice today when we have so much work to do.
Frasier: Oh, that's all right, Roz. You know what, you'll find another nanny soon.
Roz: I better. I have a date tomorrow. It's my first one in a month. A month! Between spending my days with you and my nights with Alice, I've forgot what a real conversation is like.
Frasier: Well, don't tell Alice that, it might hurt her feelings.

Niles: Well, I can commiserate with you, Dad. I had a rather bad day on the death front myself. Sherry?
Frasier: Yes, please, Niles.
Niles: I received a letter today saying, thanks to my divorce, I've lost my plot at Seattle's toniest cemetery.
Frasier: You mean, you're out of Verdant Hills? Oh, I am sorry, I know how much you were looking forward to being dead there.
Niles: They've wait-listed me, but I don't like my odds.
Frasier: I don't blame you. One country club fire, you can kiss your chances goodbye.

Daphne: I went to all sorts of funerals as a child. My uncle's a mortician. Lovely man. He's offered to do my make-up for the wedding. [exits]
Frasier: I can just hear the whispers now. "Did you see the bride? Very life-like."

Bulldog: Pizza.
Frasier: Oh, thank you very much. Bulldog? Good Lord, come in. Oh, heavens, you remember my brother Niles. Niles, you remember Bulldog.
Niles: Yes, of course. Hello, Bulldog. So, are you delivering pizzas for a living?
Bulldog: No, I'm an eccentric millionaire. This has always been my dream.

Roz: Have you seen my purse?
Bulldog: Yeah, it's on the chair.
Roz: Steve's going to be here any minute.
Bulldog: So, you've been dating for a while?
Roz: Actually, no. Tonight's our first date. In fact, it's my first date in a month.
Bulldog: Whoa! You injured? You pull something?

Frasier: Good afternoon, Niles.
Niles: Coffee's on me. I'm back at Verdant Hills cemetery.
Frasier: Oh. Well, congratulations, nothing left now but all that pesky waiting.
Niles: I haven't got the official word yet but I've called in a favor. Bruce McGuirk he's on the board of directors. I gave him grief counseling when his uncle was lost at sea. And it occurred to me, there's a plot gone begging.

Frasier: Why don't you go other there and talk with him?
Roz: I can't. I won't know what to say.
Frasier: I tell you what. Ask him to dinner. I'm going to Chez Henri myself this evening, I'll call and get you a table.
Roz: I don't know, I'm feeling a little gun shy.
Frasier: Roz, you better hurry. If you talk to me another minute longer, he'll think he's got some serious competition.
Roz: [laughs] Thank you, Frasier, I needed a good laugh to loosen me up.

Frasier: [on the phone] Yes, hello, Henri. It's Frasier Crane. Yes, I was just wondering, I'd like to get a table for a dear friend of mine tonight, as well.
[Niles answers his cell phone as he returns to Frasier's table. The two continue their phone calls:]
Niles: Niles Crane here. Hello, Bruce. I'm hoping you're calling with good news about Verdant Hills?
Frasier: Table for two.
Niles: Yes, a plot for one.
Frasier: By the kitchen? Oh Lord, I was hoping for something near the fireplace.
Niles: Near the parking lot? I prefer the serenity garden.
Frasier: Oh, the back row would be fine. Who's at the next table?
Niles: The hilltops is divine. Who's in the adjacent plot?
Frasier: The Ashbys, wonderful!
Niles: The Ashbys, delightful!
Frasier: Thank you very much.
Niles: I'm so grateful.

Niles: McGuirk got me a shady spot on the high hill.
Frasier: You mean...?
Niles: Yes, I'll spend eternity looking down on Maris.
Frasier: Oh, Niles.
Niles: Checkmate!

Martin: Hey, boys, feel like taking a ride?
Frasier: Sure, Dad. Where to?
Martin: Well, I got thinking about what we were talking about the other night. You know, about me not having made any arrangements for myself. So I just went out and bought myself a burial plot.
Niles: Wow.
Frasier: Okay, all right. Let's go have a look, Dad. I'm glad to see you've finally realized there's no point in being superstitious about the whole thing.
Martin: Yeah, well, I realized that if I let you plan my funeral there'd be all harps, white wine, and frankly a lot of very pissed-off cops.