Daphne: There must be some way to end this fight with your boss.
Frasier: What's the problem?
Martin: Oh, he wants me to date his sister and I won't do it so he's put me on graveyard 'til I cave.
Frasier: Well, he can't do that. Why don't you file a complaint?
Martin: I'd just as soon keep it just between the two of us.
Frasier: I see. Is this woman really so repulsive that you're willing to sacrifice all your nights just to avoid a date with her?
Martin: Well, let me put it this way: years of chewing tobacco have discolored her tooth. [laughs] Someone left a book of one-liners in the lost and found.

Niles: But surely you don't intend to let the promise of wealth and exposure lure you into her bed.
Frasier: It's not gonna come to that. It's all about the dance. It's all about the possibility of sex, the promise that's never delivered that keeps them tantalized. One only needs to know how not to cross the line.
Niles: Excuse me, but didn't you sleep with her once?
Frasier: Yes, that's how I know where the line is. I almost feel sorry for her. Just another helpless woman suffering from an unslakable thirst for...
Frasier & Niles: Crane!

Bebe: Yes, it's a lovely suite. Unfortunately, there's some sort of choir championship this weekend and they practice at all hours.
Frasier: Is it Madrigal Madness already? I had no idea it was this close to Whitsun.

Daphne: I never knew you were friends with Dr. Phil.
Frasier: Some years back we found ourselves running into each other at seminars and conferences. He's an excellent therapist. We had a bit of a clash over ethics.
Daphne: Oh, really. What did you do, sleep with a patient?
Frasier: Not my ethics, his. The man bilked me out of two hundred dollars in a card game.
Martin: He did not bilk you, it's called a one-eyed jack.
Frasier: Oh, yes, yes. There is one eye, but the other eye is there by implication! Therefore, the hand should have been a do-over. And you can ask Niles about this, too. As far as I'm concerned, the man owes me two hundred dollars.

Martin: This guy is so cheap, he could squeeze a nickel 'til the buffalo chokes. [laughs]
Frasier: Dad, exactly how old is this book of one-liners?
Martin: How old? You're asking me how old? Well, I'll tell you how old. 1956.

Roz: Oh, Frasier. Daphne told me all about Dr. Phil. I can't believe you know him. Do you think you can get me in backstage?
Frasier: Roz, I really hadn't planned on seeing him.
Roz: Oh, jealous, huh? That's okay. I understand.
Frasier: I most certainly am not jealous. The man happens to owe me two hundred dollars.
Roz: Right. But you know who could help you with your jealousy? Dr. Phil. He'd be like "So your jealousy of me has taken over your life. How's that workin' for ya?"

Daphne: Niles, look who's here.
Niles: Oh, isn't that adorable? You see this couple, we've seen them in the park a few times. They're so sweet together. We like to think of them as us when we're older.
Daphne: Look how old Niles still puts his jacket around old Daphne's shoulders.
Niles: Oh, she's still a saucy little kitten.
Daphne: And I'll be he still rolls over in the middle of the night.
Frasier: Yes, the picture is gotten, thank you.

Niles: Oh, look, I think I've found old Frasier.
Daphne: Oh, yeah.
[Frasier turns around to see an elderly man, sitting alone, knitting]
Frasier: I see. Well, I hope the two of you will understand if, in future, I choose to knit scarves only for myself.

Dr. Phil: So, Frasier, how's your show?
Frasier: Oh, huge. Thank you.
Roz: We just added Spokane last year.
Frasier: And a station in St. Paul... has agreed to let me send them a tape.

Roz: What a phony, huh?
Frasier: She used to be my phony.