Frasier: Well, since you've asked. I think in divorce we have painful feelings, which are, nevertheless, healthy feelings. We start to date too quickly and we want to be sure that that's not panacea for the pain.
Niles: Ooh, yes, you'll all find my brother's quite adept with those peppy little bromides. "Panacea for the pain." You can almost hear the phrase: "We'll be right back after these words from Pringles."

Frasier: Dad, why are you laughing? Why is Dad laughing?
Martin: You two, you'll never learn.
Niles: Oh, oh, you think this is a bad idea?
Martin: The restaurant you bought together, that was a bad idea. The book you tried to write together, that was a bad idea. But this.... No, that restaurant was still the stupidest.

Niles: You try and try, but at some point you finally have to admit, as much as you care about each other, your relationship isn't working and hasn't been for some time.
Dr. Schachter: But you two wouldn't be sitting here with me if you didn't want to save this relationship. Isn't that true?
Niles: Well, I'm willing to try, but I can't speak for-
Frasier: You don't have to speak for me, Niles. I'm perfectly capable of speaking for myself.
Niles: Yes, I know. Caruso wasn't so in love with the sound of his own voice.
Frasier: What is that supposed to mean?
Niles: Well, you tell me, Enrico. What do you think it means?

Frasier: Good morning, Dr. Crane.
Niles: And to you, Dr. Crane
Frasier: Oh, Niles, why should we be so formal, there's nobody around.
[Frasier raises his hand to give a high five. Niles cowers in fear.]
Frasier: It's a high five, Niles!
Niles: Oh, oh, oh, sorry.

Daphne: All right, where shall we put this then?
Frasier: Well, the only place it should go, actually, is right here by the couch, I think.
Niles: No, no, Daphne, here on the desk will pick up the earth tones in the carpet.
Frasier: You know, there is this dead space here by the coffee station.
Niles: Oh, underneath the heating vent?! Why not just give it a blindfold and a cigarette.

Daphne: Oh, look at your two names together on the door. Er, Dr. Crane, is your brother's name smaller than yours?
Niles: Yes, that was the only way it would fit. I assumed you wouldn't mind. After all, we're concerned here with healing people, aren't we?
Frasier: Of course, Niles. If I were interested in self-promotion, I guess I'd be content with my radio show. Heard every day by over half a million listeners in the Pacific Northwest and parts of Canada.

Frasier: I have had this plant for two years and it has never been in direct sunlight.
Niles: Well, obviously, look at it, the leaves are puckering!
Frasier: They are not. They've wilted a little from the ride over in the trunk of the car.
Niles: Oh, nonsense, Mafia snitches emerge from car trunks looking more robust.

Niles: That was followed by a run-in at the receptionist's desk, a row at the coffee machine, and a contretemps when Frasier lost the men room's key.
Frasier: That was an accident.
Niles: Yes, it very nearly was.

Mr. Carr: So, you're saying that it wasn't an accident?
Frasier: We have an expression in psychiatry: "there are no accidents."
Niles: Now, let's check in with news and traffic.

Frasier: Dr. Crane, are you denying that most accidents happen for a reason?
Niles: No, Dr. Crane, I believe they do. I'm reminded of a recent "accident" involving a four-inch wooden block attached to a men's room key which walked off in somebody's pocket. Obviously an act of hostility, wouldn't you say?!
Frasier: Certainly a well-deserved one, considering what an insufferable prig someone has been today!
Niles: You dare call me a prig after I rescued you from that sideshow you call a radio program?
Frasier: One more crack about my show and I'll put that little wooden block in a place you'll always be able to find it!