‘Selling Out’
Season 1, Episode 9 - Aired November 11, 1993
After Frasier reluctantly gives a personal endorsement on air, he is approached by Bulldog's agent, Bebe, who tries to talk him in to appearing in a television commercial.
Quote from Roz
Frasier: Roz, why did you hand me this copy? I don't do personal endorsements.
Roz: What is the big deal? All the other personalities do them.
Frasier: The other personalities aren't doctors. If I allow myself to become a common pitchman, I lose all my credibility. I am a wise man, a shaman.
Roz: Zip up your fly, wise man.
Quote from Frasier
Frasier: Dad, Daphne, a situation has arisen over at work and, uh, I'm not sure how it should be handled. I was hoping maybe your objective viewpoint could, uh, be helpful.
Martin: Sure, shoot.
Frasier: Well, what would you think if I did a commercial and publicly endorsed a product?
Daphne: Oh, you mean like Cher does?
Frasier: Thank you, Daphne, one against.
Quote from Roz
Frasier: Did I say tasty? Tasty doesn't do justice to those succulent pot stickers. And the Kung Po chicken, ooh, don't get me started. So if you've got a yen for Chinese tonight, hurry on down to the Hunan Palace. Well, that's it for today. This is Dr. Frasier Crane hoping we'll see you tomorrow on KACL 780 AM.
Hey, Roz, I think I'm getting the knack for doing these promos. Did you hear that little ad lib I made about the "yen" for Chinese food?
Roz: Yeah. By the way, "yen" is Japanese, not Chinese.
Quote from Frasier
Frasier: I tell you, I got a call from the owners of the Hunan Palace the other day, they said that since I started doing these commercials their business had gone up by 30%.
Roz: Well, isn't that what advertising is supposed to do?
Frasier: Yes, it is, Miss Sour Britches. Give me a little credit. My God, I please the boys upstairs, I got perfect strangers to try a new restaurant, and, most importantly, I've helped a struggling immigrant family who came to these shores a mere twelve years ago with little more than a dream, a few recipes and a wok.
Quote from Martin
Frasier: Dad, did you know that this unit is made from the same heat resistant space-age polymer that's used on the NASA space shuttles?
Martin: Great. Next time I'm re-entering the earth's atmosphere in a hot tub I won't have to worry.
Quote from Martin
Frasier: Well? Do you like it?
Martin: I have to admit, it's making my hip feel a little better.
Frasier: That's all I needed to hear. My friends like it, my family likes it- I like it. I can do the commercial and Frederick can go to Harvard. [a man walks into the showroom] Oh, my God. Isn't that Dave Hendler from our building? You know, he's the head of the Seattle Psychiatric Association.
[Frasier takes a big breath and ducks under the water]
Daphne: That's not Dave Hendler.
Martin: Shh, don't worry about it. Enjoy the quiet while you can.
Quote from Frasier
Bebe: Well, today I got a very attractive offer for you to be a product spokesman, and we know they're serious because it's pay or play.
Daphne: That's the best kind. You get your money whether you do it or not.
Bebe: Well, listen to this one.
Frasier: How do you know that?
Daphne: Well, I must confess, there is a chapter of my life I haven't told you or your father about. Back when I was twelve, I starred in a television show in England. Well, I'll leave you to your business.
Frasier: Daphne. Daphne, just get back here. You what?
Daphne: I starred in a TV series. It was quite popular in its day, maybe you've heard of it? "Mind Your Knickers"? It was about a group of high-spirited, ethnically diverse twelve-year-olds in a girls' private boarding school. I played Emma, the short, spunky one. Of course, by the end of the series, I was sixteen, five foot ten, and they had me boozies bound up tighter than a mummy. Well, I'm off. [leaves]
Frasier: The woman is like an artichoke. You just keep peeling away one astounding leaf after another.
Quote from Bebe
Bebe: Finally, a script. Thanks, Jeff. [hands it to Frasier] Seen it already, you're going to love it.
Frasier: [reading] "Two nuts are arguing with each other." That's cute. "I'm a nut." "No, I'm a nut!" Ha, that's funny. Ah... "Hold it, you're both nuts. I'm Dr. Frasier Crane, noted psychiatrist, and I know a nut when I see one." Hmm, I just, I don't know abut that line.
Bebe: Oh, what's wrong? It's a scream.
Frasier: Yes, but it- It may be a scream, but it- It's- What's the word I'm looking for?
Bebe: What? "Tuition?!" "Retirement beach house?!" [calms down] I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, it's just that I want so much for you.
Quote from Bebe
Frasier: Oh, dear. What does this mean? "Frasier comes out of his shell."
[Bebe notices two stagehands wheeling a giant monkey nut on to the set. She swivels Frasier's chair round so he can't see it]
Bebe: It is a ... technical term. It's a light- A lighting thing. You, you see, you come out of your shadow, or your shell, into the light.
Frasier: I have so much to learn about this business.
Quote from Niles
Frasier: Oh Niles, Niles, thanks for meeting me, I have to talk to you about something.
Niles: Why do you have that ridiculous tissue around your neck?
Frasier: Well, they didn't tell me I could take it off, so I kept it on.
Niles: Oh, silly me. Here I thought it was just a means to attract attention. To have people come up to you and say, "Are you an actor?", thus affording you the opportunity to say yes, you ar eindeed an actor, and then proceed to crow, gloat and strut in a way you could not otherwise do.
Frasier: And the reason you have "SHRINK" on your license plate would be?