Niles: Of course, I can't take care of him.
Frasier: Oh, yes, of course. Of course. Why?
Niles: Because Dad doesn't get along with Maris.
Frasier: Who does?
Niles: I thought you liked my Maris.
Frasier: I do. I like her from a distance. You know, the way you like the sun. Maris is like the sun, except without the warmth.

Niles: Let's get some lights on. [claps]
Frasier: Good Lord, what the hell is that?
Niles: Maris had it made after she lost power in a storm. Battery operated, works on a clapper so you can find it in the dark. Only problem was, the poor thing, try as she might, could never clap hard enough to activate it.

Frasier: Well, I just hope he hasn't done something foolish. Remember he was having brunch with Maris on Sunday.
Martin: Oh, that was just business.
Frasier: Well, you know, Dad, he is broken-hearted. People in his condition have a tendency to run back to their exes. A lonely man clinging to an available warm body. Well, of course in Maris's case, that's just an expression.

Frasier: Daphne, why are you wearing that rubber glove?
Daphne: What, this? I was, um... doing the dishes.
Frasier: With just one?
Daphne: It's the English way. You wash with the left, dry with the right. Started during the war, I think, when rubber was rationed.
Frasier: Oh, yes.

Bonnie: Who wants coffee and pastry?
Niles: Nothing for me, thanks.
Faye: Are you sure? I make a mean nut cake.
Niles: No, that's all right. I'm meeting one for lunch.