Niles: Of course, I can't take care of him.
Frasier: Oh, yes, of course. Of course. Why?
Niles: Because Dad doesn't get along with Maris.
Frasier: Who does?
Niles: I thought you liked my Maris.
Frasier: I do. I like her from a distance. You know, the way you like the sun. Maris is like the sun, except without the warmth.

Niles: Let's get some lights on. [claps]
Frasier: Good Lord, what the hell is that?
Niles: Maris had it made after she lost power in a storm. Battery operated, works on a clapper so you can find it in the dark. Only problem was, the poor thing, try as she might, could never clap hard enough to activate it.

Frasier: Well, you know, we can talk about it, we can think about it, but nobody really knows how or when.
Roz: One second we're alive as anyone else, and then... what?
Frasier: Darkness. Nothingness. Afterlife?
Niles: I've always liked the notion of meeting the great figures of history. But then I think, what if it's like high school and all the really cool dead people don't want to hang out with me. Mozart'll tell me he's busy but then later I'll see him out with Shakespeare and Lincoln.

Daphne: If Eddie were one of the Beatles, I think he'd be George. I don't know why. [Daphne heads to the kitchen]
Frasier: And yet she's never been committed. [in a mock British accent] I don't know why.

Frasier: I don't suppose whether my father told you, but my brother and I happen to be psychiatrists.
Dr. Shaw: Oh, how nice. I always enjoy being in the company of colleagues.
Niles: I'm sorry. Did you say "colleagues" or "Collies?"