Niles: Of course, I can't take care of him.
Frasier: Oh, yes, of course. Of course. Why?
Niles: Because Dad doesn't get along with Maris.
Frasier: Who does?
Niles: I thought you liked my Maris.
Frasier: I do. I like her from a distance. You know, the way you like the sun. Maris is like the sun, except without the warmth.

Niles: Let's get some lights on. [claps]
Frasier: Good Lord, what the hell is that?
Niles: Maris had it made after she lost power in a storm. Battery operated, works on a clapper so you can find it in the dark. Only problem was, the poor thing, try as she might, could never clap hard enough to activate it.

Frasier: What kind of a woman are you? You seduced me, you lied to me, you nearly got me killed. You've shamelessly manipulated not only me, but this station, the news media, and the entire city of Seattle. What do you have to say for yourself?
Bebe: Aren't you glad I'm on your side?
Frasier: Yes, I... suppose I am.

Bebe: Darling, this isn't about us. It's just a little bargaining tactic. I threaten to jump, you talk me down, major coverage. Bang! Your price goes up twenty percent. My life is meaningless! Talk to me, darling, talk to me.
Frasier: Are you out of your mind? Now listen, you're coming in. You're coming in right now!
Bebe: Get away from me! You can't talk me out of this! At least not until Channel Five gets here.
Now come on, dear, make like a therapist.
Frasier: God, you are out of your mind! You need help. You- You should be in therapy!
Bebe: That's good, but louder. Give me one reason to live! Just one! ...
Frasier: There are ... hundreds of reasons! Work, art, the people who care about you! [lowers voice] Now come in, you crazy bitch!

Bebe: Channel Five, come to Mama. Okay, dear. Full coverage. Now here's the plan: I swoon forward, you reach out and catch me.
Frasier: What?
Bebe: On three. One, two...
Frasier: No!
Bebe: Three! [After Frasier catches her] Film at eleven.