Bob: I want to introduce myself. I'm Bob Vernon.
Frasier: Bob- Bob Vernon?
Bob: That's right.
Frasier: Oh, it's an honor, sir.
Bob: Thank you.
Frasier: Say, you didn't watch the parade this evening did you?
Bob: Well, I turned it off when the smelling salts started making Santa nauseous. You know, Frasier, I got off to a rather rough start at this parade myself.
Frasier: You did?
Bob: Oh, yes. Sergeant Michelle and I had absolutely no rapport that first year.
Frasier: No?!
Bob: Frankly, she got on my nerves. You know, she wasn't a real sergeant.
Frasier: No?

Frasier: Is there any chance that you'd like to join me in a little banter?
Bob: It would be an honor.
Frasier: Right here. Say, Bob. Have you ever seen eighty beavers march in perfect rhythm?
Bob: Frasier, everyone knows beavers can't march.
Frasier: They can, when they're the marching beavers of the riverside high school band.
Bob: Oh, you tricked me.
Frasier: Sorry, Bob.

Frasier: You see, Kelly's looking for a new co-host for the parade this year and I was hoping it might be me. You know, I've watched that parade since I was a child and this is my chance to become a part of it.
Roz: Oh, I thought she did that parade with her husband.
Frasier: Oh, I guess you haven't heard. You see, she's discovered that Cal's been having an affair with her cue card girl.
Roz: How did she catch him? She find a giant love letter in his pocket?

Mary: Oh, Frasier, I hope you're all right with this. I know last time you weren't thrilled about us working together.
Frasier: Oh, no. This time we'll have separate shows. It's not like we're going to be sharing a mike! [to Kenny] Er, we won't be sharing a mike, will we?
Kenny: Of course not. We're giving Mary the morning drift shift.
Frasier: Oh, well. The shift with the biggest audience and the best demographics.

Frasier: So, you know about Hobo Casserole?
Kelly: Oh, I make it on my show.
Frasier: Oh, I get so many of my recipes from your show that I've forgotten which are mine and which are yours.
Kelly: Ah, now don't tell me that's potato chip salad?
Frasier: Uh-oh, this is embarrassing.
Kelly: So, you really are a fan of the show, huh?
Frasier: Guilty. I especially admire your work on the Christmas Parade.
Kelly: Oh, you really want this, don't you?
Frasier: Oh, Gosh, I do. I really do.

Frasier: In fact, you know, I'd be willing to audition for you right now.
Kelly: Oh, Frasier, now that's not necessary.
Frasier: Please, I'd like to. Now, I've examined the parade schedule and I have taken a liberty of preparing a few ad-libs. If you would indulge me in one or two?
Frasier: Say, Kelly. Have you ever seen eighty beavers march in perfect rhythm?
Kelly: Oh, Frasier, everyone knows beavers can't march.
Frasier: Oh, they can, when they're the marching beavers of the Riverside High School Band.
Kelly: Hey, you tricked me.
Frasier: Sorry, Kelly, but how about those incredible formations? They're so precise.
Kelly: Well, that doesn't surprise me, Fras, after all, the beaver is nature's first engineer. [putting down the script, dropping the playful tone] That's nice banter.

Frasier: Well, Seattle, thank you for your calls. [Frasier sees Roz is reading a magazine. He knocks on her booth's window.] Seattle, thank you for your calls.
Roz: [bored monotone] Hey, Frasier, what are you doing over the Christmas weekend?
Frasier: Well, Roz, if you insist on interrogating me, I'll be co-hosting the Seattle Christmas parade tomorrow night on Channel 6 with the lovely and talented Kelly Kirkland. I hope it will be the beginning of a new holiday tradition. Good mental health, see you at the parade.

Frasier: Well, Dad, how do I look?
Martin: Well, a smile'd help.
Frasier: Oh, I know, it's just that this whole Mary thing's got me kinda upset. You know, that woman grew up in Seattle, she's never even seen that parade. It's a sacrilege. My God, you know, this event, it's an institution. It carries with it a tradition of pride and pageantry and old-fashioned good times. You know, that's not bad. I think I might open with it.

Niles: Hey, Frasier, good luck tonight.
Frasier: Oh, thanks, Niles.
Daphne: We'll be watching. Hey, maybe you could say hi to us on the air.
Frasier: Oh, for God's sake, Daphne, this is not some sort of a home movie. This event carries with it a tradition of pride and pageantry and old-fashioned good times. Uh, no, I don't like it.

Niles: And you got me... batteries. Thank you.
Daphne: Oh, you opened the wrong package. You were supposed to open this one.
Niles: No, no, I can't open another one. That's not fair.
Martin: Well, if we all open one more then it'd make it even.
Daphne: Sounds fair.
Niles: All right, but that's it.
Martin: Yeah, no more.