Portia: Knock, knock. I'm looking for Frasier.
Roz: Oh, he's not working today.
Portia: Then why am I hearing his show?
Roz: Well, we play "The Best of Crane" on Wednesdays.
Portia: Oh. Well, would you please ask him to call Portia? It's really important. [gives Roz her card]
Roz: Sure.
[After Portia leaves, Roz taps on the booth window. Frasier climbs out from under the desk]

Frasier: Portia, I'm sure you're a lovely person, and I applaud your effort to find a new career, but not at the expense of my own.
Portia: But you haven't heard my ideas yet.
Frasier: Nor will I. How can I make this any clearer to you? You are not my agent. You're not going to be my agent. Not now. Not ever. So go practice on someone else's time, and leave me alone.
Roz: That was brutal.
Frasier: [sighs] Don't worry, Roz, I'll be okay.

Roz: Okay, fine. So, you represent Frasier Crane. Now what?
Frasier: Well, for one, I'll do what Bebe couldn't do. I'll get Kenny to boost the advertising budget for our show.
Roz: Yeah, well, you already asked him that and he said no.
Frasier: Yes, that was Dr. Frasier Crane asking. Now, it's Agent Crane, licensed to charm.

Niles: Good afternoon, officer. Uh, I didn't do anything wrong, did I?
Martin: Actually, son, you made an illegal left turn back there.
Niles: Thank you, Dad.
Cop: License and registration, please.
Niles: Uh, you know, officer, my father here is no stranger to the rules of the road. Isn't that right, Dad?
[Martin shrugs]
Niles: Yes, sir, he is, uh, intimately acquainted with Lady Law. Aren't you, Dad?
Martin: Just a concerned citizen.

Niles: Why didn't you flash your badge and get me out of the ticket?
Martin: Well, I would have, Niles, but I took an oath too. However, if you were to take out that prescription pad...
Niles: Are you blackmailing your own son?
Martin: I'd write fast, there's nothing I can do once he writes that ticket.

Frasier: You know, speaking of advertising,I think our recent dip in the ratings is due to a lack of advertising.
Kenny: What's to advertise, Doc? Your show's nine years old. Unless there's some new angle to promote, it's money better spent elsewhere. Now, if you'll excuse me, I noticed a basket of free combs by the sink.

Portia: You must be Kenny Daly. I'm Portia Sanders, Frasier's agent.
Frasier: She is not my agent.
Kenny: I'm naked.
Portia: How much are you prepared to increase this man's advertising budget?
Kenny: Zero. And again, naked.

Frasier: Kenny, look, I apologize for this. Portia, you're leaving.
Portia: Not until he hears me out.
Kenny: Well, forget it, I'm out of here. Hey! What are you doing?
Portia: Taking your pants. You'll get them back when I'm finished.

Portia: But I can't do any of this unless you start backing us up with some advertising. [to Frasier] And you. You've got to be ready to schmooze every station manager from Portland to the other Portland. I'm hungry for this. I need you both to be as hungry as I am. Are you hungry?
Frasier: I'm starving!
Kenny: Me, too!
Portia: Great. Call my office Monday morning, we'll go over the details. [exits]
Frasier: Wow. That was my very first locker room pep talk.
Kenny: Mine, too.
Frasier: She took your pants, you know.
Kenny: [laughing] I know.

Kenny: What is it, Doc? Is this about promos?
Frasier: No. Would you believe this guy? No, Kenny. Listen, I've been thinking. You know, I think it's high time that you and I got together outside of the workplace. So, there's a little club downtown that I go to. How would you like to join me tomorrow for a little... uh, a little massage, and a little steam, huh? What do you say?
Kenny: Are you kidding? I'm front and center with a fistful of singles.
Frasier: Kenny. It-it's not that kind of club.
Kenny: Oh... fives?
Roz: What is wrong with you?
Frasier: It's an athletic club, with squash courts and a swimming pool.
Kenny: Oh, right! [whispers] Gotcha.