Niles: What?
Martin: I got news for you, you didn't make an illegal left turn. That's a buddy of mine. I set the whole thing up to get you to write me my prescription! [laughs]
Niles: I got news for you, I just drew you a picture of a dog. Ruff!

Portia: All right. Sit down and listen up. Legs together! All right, maybe you two don't see the potential for syndication, but I do. Sure, the big markets are harder to crack. But we'll start smaller. KBCD in Medford, KBAB in Boise. They're both changing their formats. After the beginning of the year, they're going to need new programming. Soon, we'll have a vast and viable audience. Oh, think of it! The obsessive-compulsive on his tractor. The bipolar cop on his beat. The soccer mom seething with rage. And they're all out there across this great land of yours, just waiting for you to help them!
Frasier: I've always thought that!

Frasier: You know, that's the reason I keep losing to him in the ratings. His station keeps flooding the marketplace with this useless tripe. It's my turn now. I'm going to call my agent. Let her earn her ten percent. Tell you what, once Bebe gets through with the station, my face will be splattered all over this city.
Daphne: That Bebe is a monster, I don't know why you chose her.
Niles: What possessed you? Yeah, right, she did.
Frasier: Yes, well, Bebe's evil, but she's my evil.
Martin: Better bring a newborn baby in case she gets hungry.

Bebe: Portia will merely be looking after the day-to-day details, freeing me up for the big picture.
Frasier: Really?
Bebe: Of course. You are the rock upon which this agency is founded, upon which we continue to thrive!
Zach: Oh, sorry to interrupt, Bebe, but we have reservations at one o'clock.
Frasier: Dr. Zach. What is he doing here?
Bebe: Dr. Who? I'm confused, who are you?
Frasier: For God's sake, Bebe!
Bebe: [pushing Dr. Zach out] You were supposed to meet me in the restaurant, whoever you are!

Kenny: You know, I'm just saying it wouldn't hurt to spice things up a little. You know, mention people's privates once in a while.

Frasier: Well, then how about airing some more promos on my lead-in? I mean, they get a sizable audience.
Kenny: Yeah, they do. That's why we're moving them to evening drive time.
Frasier: You mean I'm their lead-in now?
Kenny: Yeah. They're not too happy about it.

Frasier: Dear God. Do you believe this? A full-page ad.
Daphne: "Cuddle Up With Dr. Zach."
Frasier: Yes. As if some air-brushed picture of a pretty boy has anything to do with effective therapy.
Daphne: He is awfully cute.
Niles: Yet not so much you hate him for it.

Martin: Hey, Fras. You just missed your new agent. She sent those.
Frasier: I didn't miss her. I was hiding in the stairwell until she left. And Portia is not my new agent. She's Bebe's minion. Her little winged monkey. The woman has been hounding me. You know, I had to turn off my cell phone. God only knows how she got the new number.
Daphne: Oh, Dr. Crane, did the woman from the Publisher's Clearing House reach you? She seemed quite insistent.
Martin: Wow, she sounds like a real go-getter.
Frasier: I don't care if she is, it'll be a cold day in hell before I go back to Bebe's agency.

Martin: Well, uh, you're not going to send back the flowers and muffins, are you?
Frasier: I don't see any muffins.
Martin: I mean, if she had sent muffins.

Frasier: Don't worry, Dad, there will be muffins a-plenty. Now that I am agent-less, the word will spread like wildfire. You be prepared for this phone to start ringing right off the hook. [everyone looks at the phone] I didn't mean literally.
Daphne: I know, but how great would that have been? You saying, "phone's gonna start ringing," and boom!
Frasier: Yes, yes, yes. The truth is, I'm excited. I'm excited about having a new agent, I'm excited about being excited about my career again.
Daphne: Ooh, so close. [Niles takes Daphne's drink away]