Frasier: Hold it there, Lorraine. The reason you want to take that call is the same reason you want to change your career and break up with your boyfriend. You're obsessed with what you think you're missing, the better offer, the "call on the other line". Well, you've got to take one call at a time from now on. Fully explore and experience each one in its turn, and you'll be a stronger person for it. Do you follow me, Lorraine?
Lorraine: "OK, I'm back!"
Frasier: Thank you for your call.

Frasier: "It's hard to say what to hate most about Crane's show, his pompous, sanctimonious style, his constant self-congratulatory references to his own life, or his voice, a mock sympathetic tone so sickly sweet, one wonders if the man graduated from medical school or from some mind-controlling cult."
Niles: It's continued on 12.
Frasier: I've read enough!
Waiter: Can I get you folks anything?
Frasier: How could the man say something like that?
Waiter: It's my job. I'm a waiter.

Frasier: Pompous and sanctimonious, am I? Well, this Mann character can't even write grammatical sentences. Every five words there's one of his precious dot-dot-dots. It must be because he likes making all those dots with the crayon he writes this drivel with!
Roz: Dr. Crane, on line two we have Stewart who's having a problem with delayed gratification.
Frasier: Well, he's just gonna have to wait!

Frasier: And, we're back. Well, we have a surprise caller, Derek Mann.
Derek Mann: "So, what's it gonna be, Crane? You gonna fight me or not?"
Frasier: Oh, you can't be serious.
Derek Mann: "Just like I figured. You're chicken."
Frasier: No, I just don't think civilized people behave that way. You know, Roz, maybe our listeners have an opinion about that subject. Who do we have on the line?
Roz: Well, lines one through eight are people who think you're chicken.

Daphne: Having a look at that old murder case again?
Martin: Yeah, I dug out the old crime scene photos.
Daphne: Well, don't be a greedy guts. Let's have a look. Her name was Helen.
Martin: Yeah, it was. Ah, you must have seen that on some of my papers.
Daphne: No, I just got this feeling when I touched the picture.
Martin: You're putting me on.
Daphne: She had a lot of men in her life.
Martin: No kidding. She was a hooker.
Daphne: No, I mean she had four brothers.
Martin: That's amazing. She did have four brothers. What else are you getting? Well, come on, tell me more.
Daphne: I can't just turn it on and off like a faucet.
Martin: Give it a try, will you, please. What else are you getting?
Daphne: Nothing- No, wait. I see a man.
Martin: Yeah?
Daphne: A well-dressed man. He's wearing wing tips and a trench coat.
Martin: Yeah, yeah.
Daphne: He's getting off an elevator. He's walking down a long hallway. She doesn't know he's coming. He's opening the door.
Frasier: [opens the door] Hello, everyone.
Daphne: Sometimes I get me signals crossed.

Martin: I might've known this would happen. It's Billy Kriezel all over again.
Frasier: What did you say?
Daphne: Something about a Billy Kriezel, I believe.
Frasier: I can't believe you're dredging that up. That was 30 years ago.
Daphne: Who's this Billy Kriezel?
Frasier: Oh, he was a kid in fifth grade who used to torment me.
Martin: Yeah, so one day Frasier made fun of Billy's crew cut.
Frasier: Well, he started it. He made fun of the elbow patches on my blazer.

Roz: So I step out of the shower, I look out the window, and I notice the garbage man looking right in at me. So I say, "Did you get a good look?" He says, "Not completely. Turn around." Then he smiles, and he's missing a tooth.
That's when the romance went out of it for me.
Frasier: Roz, why are you telling me this story?
Roz: I am trying to get your mind off the fact that in five minutes you're going to walk out in that square and get your clock cleaned.
Frasier: Yes, well, did it ever occur to you that I might win this fight?
Roz: Your shoe's untied. [Frasier looks down] If you fell for that one, you're going down, and you're going down hard.

Harry: Say, some of the guys are getting together later down at Duke's for a beer. Why don't you come along?
Martin: Yeah, maybe I will. And you know why I will? 'Cos the Crane boys don't take clarinet lessons any more.
Harry: What the hell are you talking about?
Martin: Oh, that's right. You weren't in my precinct.

Daphne: Here we go, gents, dinner's up. Can I give you a hand clearing up your papers?
Martin: No, you better let me. I need these in a particular order.
Daphne: What is this anyway?
Martin: Oh, it's an old case of mine from the police force, the weeping lotus murder.
Frasier: Dad, I can't believe you're still trotting this old thing out. He's been trying to solve this case for 20 years.
Martin: Yeah, and I'm not stopping till I do solve it. You develop certain instincts when you're a cop. And my instinct tell me this case can be cracked. There must just be one small thing I keep overlooking.
Frasier: There is, who the murderer was.

Frasier: Who'd like some wine?
Daphne: I would.
Niles: And, Daphne, the salad is exquisite.
Frasier: Why would he say that?
Martin: Must be the carrots. He always did like them.