Niles: Well, oh, I'll just take a look. Ah, yes, thick and gooey. Ganja in its purest form.
Roz: It's a pot brownie, you idiot. My neighbor makes them.

Niles: Hey, Frasier. What's up?
Frasier: Just another joyous holiday moment with my son to be pasted into my scrapbook.
Niles: Ah. Aren't you going to ask me what's up?
Frasier: Didn't intend to, no.
Niles: I'd like you to.
Frasier: All right. What's up?
Niles: I am. I'm as high as the Himalayas! If I were a city in Germany, I'd be Heidelburg!

Frasier: [to Eddie] Do you mind? Oh, I see. Now you're such a big star that the whole world has to revolve around you. Fine. I'll tell you what. You just gloat all you like. This is not over between us!

Frasier: All right, I'm off to my date. Oh, for heaven's sake, Niles. That knife is as sharp as a machete. You should not be chopping with it in your condition. Do that for him, will you, Dad?

Niles: I've come dangerously close to over-braising my chard. It's almost as if something dulled my motor skills.

Martin: But you've got to open your mind up. That's where all the great inventions come from. Like, it used to be people would eat too much, their pants would get tight! Big problem! Then one day, somebody said, "Wait a
minute! Why not put elastic in them?" [entering the living room] Hi, Fras.
Frasier: Dad, where are your pants?
Martin: In the fridge. I had a reason. "Fridge pants."

Martin: I knew I was feeling woozy. I thought it was that cold medicine I took this morning.
Frasier: It's all right, Dad.
Niles: Oh, my God. I am so sorry. Dad, are you all right?
Martin: Yeah, I'll be fine. But I better go lie down before it really hits me. [as he walks down the hallway] Come on, boy.
Frasier: I'll be in there in a minute to check on you.
Martin: Oh, suit yourself, Eddie!

Frasier: Didn't it occur to you that he was behaving strangely?
Niles: I thought it was me. I thought it was the Mary Jane talking.
Frasier: Oh, Niles, please. Will you drop the drug lingo?

Frasier: Truth be told, I'm most disappointed about how things turned out with Frederick. I've just felt us drifting apart lately, and I was hoping that we could bond again on this trip.
Niles: Well, you may have given him a wonderful gift just by letting him rebel against you. Something which I am obviously completely incapable of achieving. I'm going home.
Frasier: You're a good man, Niles. In a way, isn't that rebelling against rebellion?
Niles: Nice try.
Frasier: All right. Look at it this way, you did get our cop father stoned tonight.
Niles: I did, didn't I?

Frasier: I'm sorry, son. These things happen. Well, they always stink.
Frederick: Did it ever happen to you, Dad?
Frasier: It may have. Tell you what. You know, I've got a box of that cereal you used to like. What do you say I pour us a bowl and I'll tell you a story or two.
Frederick: It's happened to you more than once?
Frasier: I'll pour you a big bowl.