Niles: Well, in honor of what happened today, a toast to winging it. What greater thrill is there than going down an unknown path, not quite sure where it will lead, just enjoying the way that path wends, and what it looks like, and where it goes off to, uh...
Frasier: Perhaps you should have left a trail of breadcrumbs before you started down that toast.

Martin: So, you've been out on a double date, huh?
Beth: Well, sort of. We met this afternoon and the next thing we knew, your sons were taking us out to dinner and then to the Seattle Rep.
Martin: Oh, what did you see?
Laura: "The Man Who Came To Dinner." It's about a bad-tempered invalid that moves into these people's house and just drives them crazy.
Martin: Comedy?
Frasier: I used to think so.

Frasier: Then again, there was that other statement about sleeping like a baby.
Niles: Exactly! They could be thinking platonic. The two of them in one room, sleeping like babies.
Frasier: The two of us in another, crying like babies.

Frasier: Niles, this is tearing me apart.
Niles: These women are inscrutable as sphinxes.
Frasier: Yes, they've got us into some most veiled, cloaked, cryptic messages. Can't they just give us one clear signal?
Beth: Well, I'm off to bed. Niles, are you coming?
Niles: Curse these infernal riddles.

Frasier: Well, Niles, I suppose we could share a table. There's a couple of seats available there.
Niles: Oh, good Lord. We can't sit with strange women.
Frasier: Why not? We married strange women.

Laura: [o.s] Frasier.
Frasier: I'll just be a second.
Niles: She changed her mind. She doesn't want me to go through with this. Do you realize what's happening here?
Frasier: Yes! Your ex-wife is ruining my sex life! Give me that. [When the phone starts ringing, Frasier walks to the front door and lobs it outside.]

Frasier: Hello, ladies, excuse me, would you mind terribly if we joined you until another table opens us?
Laura: Oh, please do.
Frasier: Oh, thank you so much, that's very kind. I'm Frasier and... this gentleman dusting for fingerprints is my brother, Niles.

Frasier: So, what do you two ladies do?
Beth: Er, you don't want to hear about it.
Niles: Well, why don't we?
Laura: It's just boring. To guys, anyway.
Beth: Their eyes just glaze over when the subject comes up.
Frasier: Oh, come on. Come on. We're not your average bozos off the street. Why don't you try us?
Laura: We design kitchens.
[Frasier and Niles gasp]
Frasier: On the contrary, I am always ready to debate the merits of downdraft cook tops and ceramic tile backsplashes.
Laura: Whoa. Whose little boy are you?
Niles: Yes, and just the mention of a double-bowl stainless steel sink with integral drain boards makes me hum like a subzero freezer.

Frasier: You know, I think the key to a good kitchen is comfort.
Beth: Well, that's a whole current trend, a living room feel in the kitchen.
Niles: Except of course with our father, who favors a kitchen feel in the living room.

Martin: Nice meeting you, ladies. I'm really glad the boys brought you over. And it's been a long time since I said that and meant it.