Niles: No, all I said was that one of the things she might appreciate about you was your psychiatric expertise. For heaven's sake, if you were a world-class chef, she'd appreciate your cooking. If you were a stand-up comedian, she'd appreciate your jokes.
Martin: If you were a dermatologist, and she had a big growth coming out of her face...
Frasier: Yes, Dad, I get it.

Niles: Dad dragged me to one of those Korean barbecues once. Had that suit dry-cleaned three times, Eddie still greets me in a carnivorous frenzy every time I wear it.

Frasier: I just discovered that she absolutely refuses to touch a doorknob with her bare hand. Thanks to my natural chivalry, I missed that for a whole week.

Marie: Am I crazy, or are you breaking up with me again?
Frasier: Well, they're not completely unrelated. You see, you are a beautiful young woman and I have really enjoyed tackling some of these issues with you. It's just that I don't think that's the basis for a relationship. I think you deserve someone who appreciates all you have to offer.
Marie: I don't believe this.
Frasier: I just feel more like your therapist than your boyfriend.
Marie: But I thought we were having such a good time together.
Frasier: I'm afraid our time is up.

Roz: [talking fast] Frasier. Frasier. You will not believe this. Little Alice said her first word today. It was "Ma." Or it
may have been "moo." Mary, that's the sitter, gave her this little toy cow. She's always doing stuff like that. I love Mary. I love this little cow, too. It's the cutest little thing. It's brown and white. Well, that's a jersey cow, right? Well, that's where Mary's from, Jersey. [to a passing waiter] Yeah, I'll take a splash more. You know, I stopped nursing yesterday and boy have I missed this stuff. Cup of mud, java, my old friend Joe. Oh, that's funny, Mary's husband's name is Joe. Oh, my God, he's picking her up. I gotta go. This has been fun. You look great, nice talking with you.

[Eddie starts chomping on Frasier's pant leg following his visit to a Korean barbecue restaurant]
Frasier: Oh, oh, dear God. Unhand me you wretch. Oh, you vile creature. Oh, for God's sake, you miserable mutt. Niles, please, drop him a Liv-A-Snap. Get off of me.

Customer: Dr. Crane. I just wanted to tell you how much I miss your show.
Frasier: Oh, well thank you so much. I miss it too. Yes, the brisk interchange of ideas, the crackling interplay between me and my callers.
Customer: ... Uh-huh.
Frasier: Well, you're very kind.

Martin: Well, Duke said she's grown into a real looker.
Frasier: Yes, well, I have seen Duke, and unless he sired a love child with Catherine Deneuve, I don't like my odds.

Frasier: What do you say we have our wine out on the balcony?
Marie: he balcony?
Frasier: Yes, you haven't had a chance to see the view.
Marie: Oh, wow. That is some view all right. Beautiful.
Frasier: You're afraid of heights, aren't you?
Marie: I'm taking classes. They give us these exercises to do, they just work better when you're standing on a little milk crate.

Marie: I guess I'm going a little nuts since I moved back in with my dad. Thank God I'm getting my own place next week.
Frasier: Yes, I suspect that will help a lot. You know, very often, the key to mental health is distancing ourselves from our parents.
Martin: I'm home. Oh, hey. Sorry to barge in on you kids.