Opal: I wonder if I could ask a favor. I know you're probably as busy as an ant farm, but do you think you could change a light bulb for me? The last time I tried, I fell off the ladder, and I lay on my back like...
Frasier: Like a helpless turtle?
Opal: No, like a half-hour till the ambulance came.

Frasier: [glancing at a statue] I was just admiring your bust.
Opal: Thank you.
Frasier: It might look nice a little higher.
Opal: It might look nice a lot higher, but heck, I'm 83.

Opal: Anyway, I can't thank you enough for coming to my rescue.
Frasier: Yes, it's lucky you ran into me in the hall.
Opal: Oh, I knew that would be you coming out of the elevator. If there's one thing I can count on, it's old Frasier's routine, unchanging as Granddad's whiskers. There's old Frasier off to work. There's old Frasier coming home. There's old Frasier off to work. There's old Frasier-
Frasier: Yes, "old Frasier" gets the idea.

Opal: That's why I gave you my spare key. I knew if there was ever an emergency, I could count on you. Oh, we should have our tea. My date's picking me up in twenty minutes.
Frasier: How marvelous you're still dating.
Opal: Well, I think an active social life keeps you young. So what are you doing this evening?
Frasier: I thought I'd stay in with a good book.
Opal: Ah, isn't that nice? How you're so cozy in your routine. Ha ha, you're like an old shoe, Frasier.

Frasier: That's when I snapped.
Niles: You didn't! You bludgeoned her horribly with that bust!
Frasier: No, you insane twit!

Frasier: You can't imagine the thrill I felt as I sat there sipping her inferior tea and eating her excellent cookies, all the while fingering the stolen object in my pocket. And then how coolly I walked out, scot-free, the old bird none the wiser.
Niles: What's in there?
Frasier: Some sort of decorative medallion.
Niles: Well, it's pretty clear what happened. The depressing series of events today led you to conclude that you're in a rut. Your spontaneous transgression generated the excitement that you so desperately wanted.
Frasier: Any Caribbean-trained Psych student could tell me that!
Niles: Well, if you didn't want my diagnosis, why did you call me here?
Frasier: Because I am plagued by guilt. I have to return this box before it's discovered missing.
Niles: [worried] Why did you call me here?

Frasier: I need your help, Niles. I have her key. I know she's out. We can put this back and be done with it.
Niles: I don't want to. I have excitement in my life.
Frasier: Please! I can't trust myself to be alone. I am caught in the grip of this mania. Who knows what I might steal next?
Niles: You took a little box. I hardly think you're going to run off on a crime spree.
Frasier: Oh, really?
[Frasier brandishes Niles' handkerchief]
Niles: Thief!
Frasier: That's right. I took it, and I liked it!

Frasier: Please, please, Niles!
Niles: I don't want to get involved.
Frasier: Fine, I'll do it myself. Here, hold this for me.
Niles: Why?
Frasier: Now your prints are on it, too. You have to help me.
Niles: Fiend!

Opal: Frasier?
Sarah: Who are you?
Frasier: I'm Dr. Frasier Crane, the next door neighbor, uh, and this is my brother Niles. Uh, we just wanted to say Happy Birthday, Opal.
Opal: Thank you!
Roland: Did someone invite you?
Frasier: Uh, well, the news of this birthday has been just buzzing through the building. We wouldn't miss an opportunity to honor this wonderful lady.
Roland: Then how'd you get in here?
Frasier: We slipped in as the door was closing.
Roland: I could swear...
Opal: Stop grilling them, please, Roland. He thinks he has to grill everyone just because he's a district attorney.

Janelle: So what's it like being a huge radio star?
Frasier: Well...
Niles: Frasier.
Frasier: Yes, yes, in a minute, Niles. Actually, I don't really think of myself as a star so much as a healer. The important thing is to listen...
Niles: Frasier?
Frasier: Yes, not now, Niles.