Niles: Just the man I wanted to see. Coffee, please.
Frasier: Niles. Niles.
Niles: You would not believe the morning I-
Frasier: Niles, would you be terribly offended if I asked you just not to not talk about it and sit quietly?
Niles: Can I at least tell you-
Frasier: Shh. Shh. Please, I do not have time for your folderol today.

Niles: So, what's your plan to get around him?
Frasier: I'm merely going to present myself as the anti-Frank.
Niles: Ah. So you're going to be not rugged and not handsome? Interesting.
Frasier: No.
Niles: You're also going to be not passionate and not committed.
Frasier: Very funny.
Niles: Maybe she'd like you if you were not interesting and not informed.
Frasier: Niles!
Niles: Well you said my day was folderol.
Frasier: Sometimes it is!

Frasier: Keep an eye out for her, will you?
Niles: What are you doing?
Frasier: Research.
[As Frasier rummages through Charlotte's handbag:]
Niles: Frasier, Frasier? Foul play.
Frasier: Yes, all is fair in love and war. That's interesting. An anthology of Irish plays. Perfect!
Niles: What do you know about Irish plays?
Frasier: Nothing. But not for long. There's one area where no man has ever bested me, Niles. Homework!

Frank: That's a great wine. Can I steal a glass?
Charlotte: Yeah, here. [to Frasier] You don't mind, do you?
Frasier: No. No, not at all. Although as the Irish say, "A man takes a drink, the drink takes a drink, the drink takes the man."
Frank: That's very good. "As the old cock crows, the young cock learns."
Frasier: Yes, well, wasn't it O'Casey who once wrote: "The Irish treat a serious thing as a joke, and a joke as a serious thing."?
Charlotte: You'd really have to ask Frank about that. He's the one who loves Irish literature. He lent me an anthology, but I haven't made much of a dent in it. I'm sorry, honey, I'm trying.

Charlotte: Frasier, you ordered these flowers?
Frasier: Well, the table just looked so bare.
Frank: These are great choices, man. These are Washington wild flowers, remember from our hike? Foxglove, fine toothed penstemon, harsh paintbrush. Ah, remember this one?
Charlotte: Oh, it's on the tip of my tongue...
Frank: Monkey-flower.
Charlotte: Monkey-flower!
Frasier: Yes, often confused with the chimp-pansy.

Frasier: Frank injured himself on our hike, so I've got Charlotte all to myself this evening. I'm not going to waste this opportunity. I'm going to make her a romantic dinner and then tell her how I feel about her.
Martin: Wow, really?
Niles: Are you sure she's ready for that?
Frasier: Well, I don't know, but I can't stand this ridiculous threesome anymore. You know, the worst part is how completely unthreatening Frank finds me. As if I'm some sort of a harem eunuch.

Frasier: Charlotte, listen, I was just beeped by a patient who's desperate to see me, so do you mind if we just switch lunch for dinner?
Charlotte: Actually, that's better for me. I have four new clients coming in. Just think, the woman of your dreams may be sitting in my office this afternoon.
Frasier: Indeed she may.

Steve: My roommate and I used to listen to your show every day just for you. We fell in love with your voice.
Roz: Really? [soothingly] It's just a voice.
Steve: Well, all the guys on my floor listen to you.
Roz: To our show?
Steve: Yeah.
Roz: Boy, things sure have changed since I was in college.
Steve: Well, it wasn't exactly college, more like prison.
Roz: So was mine. So where'd you go?
Steve: Prison.
Roz: Oh. So... you fell in love with my voice?

Frasier: Charlotte, hi. You remember my brother Niles.
Niles: Yes, Charlotte, how are you?
Charlotte: Oh, hello. Well, frustrated. Been selling this guy all over town, but no one's buying.
Niles: Well, perhaps if you threw in a toaster.

Frasier: You know what that means, don't you? They had a long night of acrobatic make-up sex.
Niles: I just thought of another way you could be the anti-Frank.