Marie: Frank, don't you want to tell Robert something?
Frank: Oh, yeah. I think you should retire.
Amy: Come on, Frank.
Frank: I'm sorry, but Marie is my wife, and if I can't support her in this, then she'll be like an ice pick in my ear until I die.

Robert: All right, actually, I'm trying to decide whether I should retire from the force or not. You know, and everybody, of course, has all sorts of opinions, and what do you think I should do?
Marie: You're involving them in your decision?
Amy: What's wrong with that? I think they could bring a fresh perspective.
Pat: I think he should retire.
Amy: What?! No, Mom! He's only thinking of retiring because it's what she wants him to do.
Pat: Oh, but, honey, being a police officer is such a dangerous job. I would think you would want what's best for him.
Marie: That's a lovely blouse, Pat.

Marie: My husband is as stubborn as an ox too. But at least on this issue, he knew enough to stay in line.
Frank: "Stay in line"? Hey, I make my own decisions.
Marie: Of course you do, Frank.
Frank: That's it! Robert, you should stay a cop. In fact, you should be a motorcycle cop. With no helmet. In fact, you should ride an Evel Knievel rocket-cycle.
Marie: Stop it, Frank! You're just trying to cause trouble. That's all you ever do.
[Frank stands up and raises his arm, triggering the alarm]
Frank: Jeezaloo! I'm sorry! This one sounds just like Marie!

Robert: No. All I want this year is the peace of mind of knowing that you and yours are secure in your own home.
Debra: What?
Robert: You are looking at the newest sales rep for Castledoor Home Security Systems. I'm gonna be moonlighting a few hours a week.
Ray: Really?
Robert: Yeah, I thought I'd try to bring home a little extra cash.
Debra: Oh well, that's great, Robert.
Ray: Castledoor, that's the ad with the the king slamming the gate on the masked robber?
Robert: Yeah. King Safe-N-Sound.

Robert: So, l, uh, couldn't help but noticing that, uh, you guys don't currently have a home security system.
Ray: All right. Here we go.
Robert: [clears throat] In today's world, it is a sad fact that most local law enforcement can't seem to respond to an emergency as quickly as one would hope; sometimes not at all.
Debra: You do know you're a policeman, right?
Robert: Well, research shows that when a would-be intruder sees the Castledoor sign posted on the front lawn, he moves on.
Ray: Sold. We'll take one of those signs.
Robert: It doesn't work that way.
Ray: Well, but if the guy doesn't look-
Robert: Doesn't work that way, Raymond!

Frank: Marie, with all the tension I think we've lost sight of the fact that it's getting very close to my dinnertime.

Ray: Ugh! It's still doing it, Robert. Motion sensors still going off for no reason at all.
Robert: Yeah, well, you know, the Excalibur 2000 can be a little buggy. You know, for just an extra $24.99 a month, I could install an upgrade.
Ray: Yeah. How about I install my foot right up your-
Debra: Ray!

Robert: So, Debra, I didn't get to hear your opinion yesterday. Do you think I should retire?
Amy: Robert! He's been asking everyone what he should do. He talked to Andy and Gianni, his partner Judy, the guy she was handcuffing.
Robert: I'm sorry, but it's an important decision, and everyone has a different opinion.
Amy: You're only asking everyone 'cause you don't want anyone to be mad at you!
Ray: Yeah, how's that goin'?

Robert: How about you, Ray? Care to weigh in?
Ray: Yeah. I think you stink at everything. Fix my alarm!
Marie: [enters] Let's just do this, Frank.
Debra: Why doesn't the alarm go off now?

Frank: Your mother wouldn't wrap your present, so I put it in a coat. Happy birthday. You don't get the coat.