Robert: So, Ray, you gonna let Warren and his girlfriend sleep in the same bed, huh?
Ray: All right.
Frank: Hey, what if those two get married? Oh, and have a kid?
Robert: Ah, that'd be awkward. Let's see. Debra already has a sister. Maybe a brother this time, huh? You can burp and change your own brother-in-law.

Lois: Welcome. We've been expecting you.
Frank: Well, not you, exactly.
Warren: This is Lois, the woman I've told you so much about.
Emma: I'm so happy to finally meet you.
Warren: And Ray.
Ray: Hi.
Warren: And Robert.
Robert: [loudly] Hello! How are you?

Warren: So, Deb, where are my grandkids?
Debra: Oh, well, Ally's with a friend right now, and the twins are taking a nap. We let them stay up late with Grandma last night.
Emma: Oh, you know, actually, after our drive, I'm a bit tuckered out myself.
Warren: Do you want to lie down? Would that be all right?
Debra: Uh, sure, sure. I'll take you up.
Warren: I can do it, Deb. Uh, Ally's room okay?
Debra: Yep, great.
Emma: Thank you for inviting me to your home. I'm so happy to be spending Thanksgiving with you all.
Debra: Well, sure. The more the merrier.
[Everyone watches as Warren and Emma walk slowly up the stairs, step by step. When they've finally gone, Frank looks at his watch.]
Frank: Happy New Year!

Lois: I like her. She seems very pleasant.
Debra: Oh, very pleasant. Yeah, she's great.
Ray: Yeah, yeah, it's good 'cause we all thought Warren was gonna go for someone younger, but it turns out he's just going for someone different. Oh, I-I misspoke. I it's the opposite of what I said. I do that. I do that a lot. Last week I said, "I'm dinner. What's for hungry?" Yeah. And then I then I asked her if the cleaners were back from my pants.
Robert: It's like watching a car accident.
Lois: I think I'm going to go for a walk. If you could just tell Warren, and I'll be back in a little while.
Debra: Uh, I'll go with you, Mom.
Marie: I'll come, too.
Ray: All right, okay. You guys have a good time. We'll just be here Okay.
Frank: Kill is going to Debra you.

Warren: Emma is warm and funny and charming. I simply adore her company, and, uh... Can I tell you something about dating an older woman?
Ray: That's okay. It's okay.
Warren: She appreciates me. When I'm with her, I'm the young buck. I feel more hip and energetic now than any time in my marriage.
Robert: Interesting.

Debra: Let me ask you something, Ray. Did you say what you said to my mother to be cruel, or is that just how you feel? "Men just want someone different."
Frank: She's got you in the crosshairs.
Marie: That's how you feel, isn't it, Frank?
Frank: What the hell did I do?
Marie: Oh, don't play dumb with me, mister. You'd love to have someone different, wouldn't you?
Frank: That's a secret?
Marie: I'm not kidding around, Frank. And, Raymond, how could you? Where is your compassion? The woman has tears in her eyes because she's been replaced, and not by some young hotsie-totsie girl, but by an older woman. What is happening? How can you fight that? And a husband who's just said to her, "It's not your looks, it's not your body, it's you." That's disgusting. And you're all the same.
Frank: Hey! I am nothing like this guy.
Ray: Hey, Dad!
Frank: No, sir. You're on your own. I want to eat tonight. The sins of the son shall not bother the father.

Ray: Honey, you have to know I didn't mean it, right? It just slipped out.
Debra: Yeah, I know it did, and we all got a wonderful insight into how you really feel.
Marie: Yes.
Debra: What you have is never good enough. The grass is always greener, hmm? It's all about someone different, isn't it, Ray? I remember Claudia.
Ray: The cleaning lady?
Debra: That's right. After Ally was born, she came once a week to help.
Marie: I remember.
Debra: She weighed 200 pounds, had bad skin and a limp, and you still couldn't help staring at her!
Ray: No one could!
Debra: You know what I mean. You think I'm blind? I'd see you sittin' on that couch, sneakin' peeks at her while she vacuumed with the same look you have for your Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. You make me sick!
Frank: I'm a little sick, too.

Ray: Wait a minute! I don't know what the hell you're talkin' about! Okay, maybe I would look at the Swimsuit Issue, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna leave you for one of those girls.
Marie: And the only reason you don't is that they don't ask you.
Ray: Thank you, Ma!
Debra: This is the point. It doesn't have to be one of those bikini girls. It could be the checkout girl at the A&P; or a waitress at Marco's or Claudia the cleaning lady!
Ray: I do not want Claudia!
Debra: Oh, bull! You'll take anyone as long as they're different, right?! [Marie slaps Frank]
Frank: Ohh!
Ray: Stop it! Come on! Stop it, everybody! Just stop. Come on, just no hitting. Look, w-we're all a little upset. This is an upsetting situation. Your father came home with an old lady and I can see how that can make you all man-hatey, but I don't want anyone else, and I never will. I don't want the waitress, I don't want the A&P; lady, and, honey, you have to believe me, I never wanted Claudia, the 200-pound cleaning woman.
Debra: What about the swimsuit model?
Ray: Not if she begged me!

Ray: Hi. Listen, uh, I'm sorry about what I said before.
Lois: Oh, that's all right.
Ray: No, no, it's not. I'm stupid.
Lois: Well, you certainly are not. What you said was true, not stupid.
Ray: Well, insensitive, then.
Lois: Yes. But I'm not hurt, honestly. Of course the circumstances are a bit sad, but this is what divorce is, and if this is what it is, I'd rather Warren and I live the rest of our lives trying to be happy than not.
Ray: Right. Listen, I- I- I hope... I hope you're happy, too Mom.
Lois: Ohh. [hugs Ray]
Ray: Okay, okay.
Debra: He called her "Mom."
Marie: Well, that hardly seems necessary.

Debra: I'm so glad you're here, Mom.
Lois: Oh, me too.
Debra: I just think it's great that you and Dad are both coming for Thanksgiving. It really means a lot to me.
Ray: [carrying a suitcase] Ohh. With the knees. Lift with the knees! Ooh.
Lois: Thank you, Raymond.
Ray: My pleasure... there... you. Okay, all right.
Lois: Oh, wait, Ray. There's something I kind of want to tell you both.
Ray: Oh. Well, you Deb, you can tell me later.
Debra: Ray.
Ray: But I'd love to hear it now, too. That's cool.