Robert Quote #445
Robert: So, Ray, you gonna let Warren and his girlfriend sleep in the same bed, huh?
Ray: All right.
Frank: Hey, what if those two get married? Oh, and have a kid?
Robert: Ah, that'd be awkward. Let's see. Debra already has a sister. Maybe a brother this time, huh? You can burp and change your own brother-in-law.
Quote from Frank
Frank: This is dumb. You still need reassurance after 45 years of bondage? All right, I'm gonna tell you something now I've never told anyone else before. I could have had my chance with Claudia.
Frank: That's right. There was one day I was dropping off your old highchair, and there was no one at your apartment except her. And she let me in, and she asked me if I wanted something to drink, and I said, "Yeah." I was thirsty from luggin' the freakin' highchair up your damn steps. She poured me some iced tea, and when she stuck her hand out to give it to me, and I went for it, she pulled it back a little, you know, like playfully?
Marie: That whore.
Frank: And you know what? Even though she was not what you would call classically beautiful, I could see what Ray saw in her.
Frank: No, no, she had something. There was always a little rumba in the horn section.
Ray: I never looked at her horn section. I swear to God.
Frank: And I said, "Just give me the tea," like that, and she gave me the tea. And I drank it, and I handed her the glass back, and she washed it, and I left. And that was it, because I have a wife named Marie.
Marie: Oh, Frank.
Frank: There you go.
Debra: Wait a minute. You watched her wash the glass?
Frank: Well, yeah. I'm not a monk.
Quote from Frank
Frank: I'm trying to picture myself with a woman who's older. She'd have to be like a mummy or something.
Marie: [enters] Frank!
Frank: I was kidding!
Quote from Lois
Debra: You know, Mom, I just don't think that you-
Ray: Deb, Deb, Deb, I think if your mom's okay with it, isn't that what's important?
Lois: Honey, you know I still care for your father very much, and if this girl is what he needs to feel better about himself, to feel younger, I say good for him. Okay?
Debra: I guess, yeah.
Lois: Okay. Good, good. And who knows? Soon I just may be out there looking for an eligible younger man myself. [laughs]
[camera pans to Robert who awkwardly chuckles]
Quote from The Angry Family
Robert: [clears throat] Uh, if I may... You mentioned, Father Hubley, that I was not included in that book, and that is a very astute observation. And I do believe that my unique position in this... family, as that of an outsider, allows me to view this hodgepodge of life from a rather unique vantage point.
Ray: Top of a beanstalk?
Robert: And I do maintain that if anyone is to blame, Father, for this river of pent-up hostility that runs through this sorry bunch like you-know-what through a we-know-what... that person goes by the name... of Raymond.
Ray: Oh, sit down, you dope.
Robert: He is and always has been the center... the center of attention, the center of affection, he always gets the center chair in the kitchen. And this anger of which you speak, from the rest of these poor souls, stems from his unwillingness to share even the tiniest portion of the spotlight that shines, without end... on him.
Quote from Lucky Suit
Agent Garfield: Is this a joke?
Robert: Excuse me?
Agent Garfield: "Dear FBI Agent Garfield. I'm writing to ask for your understanding. You have an interview this morning with my son, Robert Barone. I think you will find Robert to be an exceptional candidate for the job. He is hard-working, brave, and handsome." [Garfield looks up in disbelief] "But I feel I have hurt his chances somewhat. You see, he has a lucky suit. And while I was ironing this morning, I ruined it. He was very upset, so he might be a little distracted. Please don't hold this against him. If anything, blame me. I don't mind, I'm used to it. Of course, it's also my other son Raymond Barone's fault. He's a famous sportswriter. Perhaps you've heard of him. But mostly, I'm to blame. I only wanted Robert to look his best. Thank you for understanding. Sincerely, Marie Barone." [Robert is stunned into silence] "P.S."
Robert: Oh, God.
Agent Garfield: "Please ask Robert to forgive me. I tried, but it'll mean more coming from you." Please forgive your mother.