Frank: Let me ask you something, pal. What have you had, a tough week? Well, I've been living with your mother since... before you were born!
Ray: Debra wouldn't let the twins tell a "knock, knock" joke!
Frank: She's right! "Knock, knock" jokes stink!
Ray: That's not the point! Mom came over with her friends to show how cute the twins are telling a "knock, knock" joke, and Debra couldn't even give her that little of joy!
Frank: Well, who the hell is Marie to come barging in, demanding joy, when Debra's wrestling with the damn kids?
Ray: She didn't have to be so rude!
Frank: Rude is the only thing that gets through to her! How do you think I got the way I am? I used to be a gentleman!

Ray: Debra, please, come on, all right? Just do it for me. [Debra glares at Ray] Great. Great, great. You see? You see? Here's the problem, okay? You think it's just her. Well, I'm gonna say it. We all know that if my wife wasn't so snippy all the time - Yes, I said snippy - none of this would have happened! [Marie nods]
Frank: You'd be snippy too if this one was yammering at you all day long! You got nothing to complain about.
Ray: Hey, how do you know what I've been going' through over here? I actually have to live with her, so don't start with me, 'cause you don't know what the hell you're talking about.
[Frank stands up]
Robert: Wow.

Ray: What you are doing, Ma?
Marie: Hello. I was just flipping through your baby books, recalling the agony of your delivery. And I was wondering if I was going to get a visit from you on Mother's Day.
Ray: Yeah, Mom, l- I'm taking care of a few things here, that's all.
Marie: Well, of course. By all means, take your time. You obviously have other priorities on Mother's Day.

Marie: Debra, may I talk to you?
Debra: Sure, Marie.
Marie: What happened the other day has really weighed on me and I did some serious thinking. So, Debra I was wrong. Please forgive me.
Debra: Oh, wow. Marie, thank you. But you don't have to apologize, I'm fine, really.
Marie: No, no, no, Debra, I want to. First of all, I'm sorry I came over when I did. I should know by now, by late afternoon you've lost complete control of the kids. And then, I brought company, which must have embarrassed you, since obviously you hadn't tidied up. So I understand why you felt the need to snap at me so. For all that, I'm sorry. All right? [Debra is silent]
Ray: So... She's talking to you again!
Debra: Well, she can do whatever she wants, because I'm done talking to her. [goes upstairs]
Marie: This is what I get for trying to be nice.

Debra: No, I let so much go with her, Ray. I mean, I'm always letting things roll off my back. The woman ruins my life, and I'm supposed to pretend everything is fine and dandy.
Ray: But your life isn't ruined, everything is fine and dandy.
Debra: I am not apologizing for this. Your mother is acting like a child, giving me the silent treatment. Do you realize how passive-aggressive that is?
Ray: But- But-
Debra: No, she doesn't want to talk to me, she doesn't have to that's fine and dandy.
Ray: So you're just gonna pout and go, "She started it"? I think that's a little passive-aggressive.
Debra: Oh, yeah?
Ray: Which I still prefer to aggressive-aggressive.

Debra: She wanted to hear the twins tell their "knock, knock" joke, and I told her it was a bad time and we went upstairs.
Ray: Ha. Did they do the Goliath one?
Debra: No, l...
Ray: 'Cause that's a good one. Knock, knock. Say "Who's there?"
Debra: What is with your family?
Ray: Come on. Say "Who's there?"
Debra: Who's there?
Ray: Goliath.
Debra: Goliath who?
Ray: Goliath down. You looketh tired.

Ray: Hey, what what are you doing? Why aren't you with Mom?
Robert: Evidently, it's simply not Mother's Day without Raymond.
Frank: She's been a miserable wretch all week long. I mean, on top of the usual. How's it going' over here?
Ray: Yeah, well, it's not good. She's in a bad mood, too. I'm just gonna run these over and drop them off for Mom.
Robert: Drop these off? You'll never get out of there! She's got your baby book out and she's humming lullabies. She sent us over to get ya.
Frank: What she doesn't know is, we're never going back.
Ray: All right, well, keep it down. She can sense happiness.
Robert: I don't like them not talking to each other, it makes me nervous.
Frank: It's like in Korea, it was most scary when it was quiet.
Robert: I hate seeing them like this. I can't take it anymore! You know what? The three of us should go to Florida.

Ray: Never! You were never a gentleman! You never gave Mom any respect! You're just as bad as Debra!
Frank: Hey, that's a fine way to talk to your father!
Ray: You don't like it? I don't talk to you at all!
Frank: Well, I don't talk to you at all!

Robert: Look what your fight is doing to the family! It's Mother's Day, and you're ruining it. This day is supposed to be for appreciating each other, not shutting each other out. We should not be wallowing in hate, we should be wallowing in a beautiful brunch of belgian waffles and berries. And sausages of both link and patty! Now, I know when we're angry and hurt, we can only see the negative in the other person. But you two people know deep down how you feel about each other, how you care about each other, and how much how much you love each other.
Frank: I'm sorry, Ray.
Ray: Me too, Dad.
Robert: Not you guys!

Debra: Just what every mother wants to do on Mother's Day wash the butter out of her sheets.