Amy: You're Stefania?
Stefania: Si. And you are?
Amy: I'm Amy. Robert's other ex-girlfriend. Or as I'll be known as from now on, the plain one.

Marie: All right, Robbie. You don't seem to be helping anymore, so maybe you should go now.
Robert: Fine. Fine. I don't know why the hell I even sat down for this all-you-can-eat character assassination. And for your information with regards to the onions, I happen to have taste buds that are more sensitive to savory than sweet, Judy. [exits]
Marie: For some reason, and it's a mystery to me, I'm the only woman he gets along with.

Marie: Say hello, Robbie.
Robert: Hello, Amy. Hello, Stefania. Hello, Amy and Stefania. Together in my mother's living room.
Stefania: Roberto.
Amy: Bastardo.

Stefania: You were also Roberto's girlfriend?
Amy: As a matter of fact, pretty much at the same time you were.
Debra: I was looking at your red wines. Which Chianti would arrive the soonest?
Stefania: But Roberto did not ever speak of you.
Amy: Yeah, he was good like that.
Stefania: Oh! If I had known... Non abbastanza mi lascia, ora scopro di essere "l'altra donna". bastardo!
Amy: I'm not sure what you said, but I like how it ended.

Marie: All right, so who wants to begin, huh? How to make Robbie a better mate.
Amy: I'll start. Whenever we'd go out to dinner and we'd order dessert, he'd always say, "I'll just have a taste of yours." And then it was like a shark attack! Nothing but a little puddle of fudge left! Order your own dessert!
Marie: Oh, Sweetheart, have a cannoli. You stay away from these. Look at her. She's a twig.
Judy: Yeah, well, the man does get excited about his food. But when he goes after mine, I whack his knuckles with my night stick.

Stefania: Yes, maybe he's wrong in the head. That's why he likes to stay home every night and sit on his ugly sofa.
Judy: Oh, ladies. Let's remember, Robert has a very demanding job. He does need his downtime.
Robert: Thank you, Judy.
Judy: But can someone please tell me what is with that man and onions?! He puts them on everything. There are other people!
Marie: All areas you could be working on, dear.

Debra: Pfft. What a load of crap.
Ray: What?
Debra: "The right lady's out there." Well, guess what? You're never going to find her. You know why? 'Cause you don't want to. You're alone, 'cause that's what you really want.
Robert: I believe you're looking for the meeting across the street.
Debra: Let me tell you something. You've created an image of this ideal woman, so that when regular women regular, wonderful, real women fall short, you reject them.
Robert: No.
Debra: Yes! And that way, you never have to settle down and everyone can still feel sorry for poor, lonely you.
Robert: Look, I may not be the greatest catch in the world, but I don't think I should just settle.
Debra: I'm not telling you to settle, Robert, but you're not going to be happy if every time you discover a flaw in somebody, you go to somebody else, because that somebody else is going to have her own flaws! Nobody's perfect!

Robert: [opens pizza box] What, did you flip the car?
Frank: What the hell happened?!
Ray: That's just a little hi-how-are-you from Stefania and Amy.
Robert: What? Stefania and Amy?
Ray: That's right. They're both sitting together at what is now, "Marco's All-American Pizzeria, U.S.A." And they're ripping into you like Tiny Tim on a Christmas ham.

Amy: Never seen this place so crowded.
Debra: Yeah, ever since Marco took over, the food is supposed to be unbelievable. [to waitress] Oh, thanks.
Amy: Was that Stefania?
Debra: No.
Amy: Which one is she?
Debra: Amy, you know, maybe we should eat somewhere else? There's plenty of other restaurants where Robert's ex-girlfriends don't work.
Amy: No, no, no, she took my boyfriend, now she can take my order.
Debra: Yeah, but I just don't get- Oh, my God. How is this so good?! This is just a breadstick! You've got to taste this!
Amy: No, no, I'm not going to eat. I want to be thin when I see her.

Ray: Hey, Mr. Fogagnolo. Is my pizza ready?
Marco: It's ready when I say it's ready.
Ray: That's a good policy.
Debra: [to Amy & Stefania] Oh, look. There's my little bastardo.