Amy: Hey, did Robert ever take you to the movies?
Stefania: Ah, yes.
Amy: That's fun, isn't it? All his little rules. "Shh! No talking! Movie! No talking!"
Stefania: Yes. "I don't like to share my Good & Plenty." He's like idiot.
Ray: Hey, hey, hey. That's a little rough, isn't it? He happens to be right about the talking. It's very rude.

Marco: [to Ray] Now it's ready.
Stefania: Papa, listen to this. Roberto used me to cheat on this nice lady.
Marco: He tells me he break up with Stefania 'cause he no like girls.
Ray: [chortles] Americans.
Marco: Your brother, he is no good.
Amy: Bastardo.
Marco: This one I like. She eats for free.
Amy: Okay, Ray, you can go now. We want to talk about Robert some more.
Ray: You know what you need? You need a big black pot that you can all stir.

Frank: Holy crap! This is... holy crap. Mmm.
Robert: Well, that's just perfect. Marco has delicious food and now it's a gathering place for everyone who hates me.
Frank: No wonder it got good reviews.

Robert: Just the fact that you had to say you stood up for me, means that you didn't!
Ray: I did! They were insulting you and I told them to stop.
Frank: They were insulting you. He told them to stop. [laughs]
Ray: I did!
Robert: Yeah yeah, sure you did.
Ray: What? You don't believe me? Good, fine. Maybe you are a bastardo.
Robert: What?
Ray: Everybody knows it, man!

Marie: How are you, Robbie?
Robert: Fine. Actually, terrible. I'm pathetic, I'm a loser and everybody hates me. Could you make me something to eat?
Marie: Of course, dear. [grabs a bag of potato chips] There you go. Bye bye, dear.
Robert: Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma! Wait! What is this?
Marie: Well, don't you like potato chips anymore?
Robert: No, I do, but couldn't you make me something? I'm really feeling down here.
Marie: Oh, I'm sorry, Robbie. But the truth is, see, I'm kind of in the middle of something. But come back later and I'll make you a plate.
Robert: All right.
Marie: Robbie, wait. All right, here. Come with me.
Robert: What's going on?
Marie: I think this'll be good for you, dear.
[Marie takes Robert into the living room where Amy and Stefania are sitting on the couch]
Robert: Ma!
Marie: We've been talking.

Marie: Now, we have stuffed shells and three-bean salad, so why don't you just sit down and help yourself?
Robert: Ma, what's going on?
Marie: Nothing, dear. I just-
Robert: What's going on, old woman?!
Marie: I know this all seems a little odd...
Robert: "Odd"? "Odd"? How about "horrifying beyond belief"?

Marie: I mean, it's no secret that you've had relationship troubles. And I just want you to learn from your mistakes. And now that you're here, it saves me from having to go over it again with you later.
Robert: Well, why don't we really save some time? Take that cheese knife and stick it in my neck.
Marie: See, his sense of humor's a little dark. Should we start there?

Judy: Oh, Robert! Hey!
Robert: Judy?
Judy: Whoo! Uniform's off, give me a drink. Fill my hand with something grand.
Robert: M-M-Ma, why is Judy here? We only work together. She has nothing to do with me not giving you grandchildren.
Marie: I know that, but she spends sixty hours a week with you. She has a lot to bring to the table.

Robert: Is this everyone, Ma? What about Jessica Rueble? Remember her? Stood me up for the senior dance.
Marie: No, that wasn't her, that was your cousin Rhonda. No, Jessica Rueble's the one who pulled your pants down at your school assembly.

Stefania: I have something.
Marie: Oh, good.
Stefania: The face. The frowny, frowny face. He's always, "I don't like." "I don't want." I don't think." It is annoying.
Marie: Oh, I've seen that face.
Robert: Does it look like this?
Marie: Yes, and very unpleasant.
Amy: I agree with Stefania. Maybe he needs medication.
Robert: Whatever you got!