Ray: Hey, you know, you guys should know about Debra, she wasn't always she wasn't always like this. But I guess over the years, I've kind of created a monster.
Frank: [enters] Turn up the TV. I'm coming back, and I'll be eating something crunchy.
Ray: All right, all right. Just shut up now about the boom-ba-dee-boom-boom.
Gianni: Come on, your old man would be proud of you. You were taking care of business.
Bernie: Every way.
Ray: Now, look, we don't talk about that, all right? What's wrong with you guys? Have a little class, man.

Frank: How'd that happen?
Robert: Yes, how? Pray tell.
Ray: Same thing. Those crazy-ass stairs there. So if you see Debra later and she has a sore shoulder, that's why.
Frank: I don't understand how two grown people fall down the stairs.
Ray: Because it wasn't our fault. Those stupid stairs, they're dangerous, I tell you.
Bernie: So did you really fall down the stairs? Which story's true?
Ray: Would you shut up?
Bernie: No, really, I'm confused because they're both quite convincing.

Ray: All right. I am laying down now and scratching a few things.
Debra: Frank, what are you doing?
Frank: I came over to check out your stairs. No wonder the two of you fell. These look warped.
Debra: What are you talking-
Ray: You know what, let's just leave him alone. This is who he is. This is how he defines himself as a person.
Debra: But why is your father fixing our stairs?
Ray: Who cares? The Fudge Pops are melting! Come on.

Debra: I don't want everyone to know it, Ray!
Debra: You told your friends about how we fell out of the bed?
Ray: No, they just got it. My wrist, your shoulder it is kind of obvious.
Debra: Oh my God, Ray, this is so embarrassing. How could you?
Ray: It's guy talk! Come on, that's what we do. Hey, don't be embarrassed. We're muy caliente!
Debra: Yeah, and everyone knows it!
Ray: All right!

Ray: Come on, look, the guys already think you're wild and stuff anyway.
Debra: Well, I don't think- Wild? Really?
Ray: [French accent] Animal.
Debra: Really? They think I'm wild?
Ray: See, see! You like it. Everything is fine.
Debra: No, no, it is not fine! Because you're not supposed to be talking about that. And then you have to make up this whole thing about the stairs, so now your father's ripping 'em out! How are we going to get up the stairs?
Ray: Look at your eyes right now. You are a little wild. [roars]
Debra: Get away from me.

Frank: And Debra, you should show the doctor your shoulder.
Debra: No, I'm fine, Frank. Thank you, though.
Frank: They took a tumble down the stairs.
Doctor: Both of you?
Robert: Unusual, isn't it?
Debra: We have these little races.
Robert: Yeah, you know, Ray, maybe you should let the doctor check out your wrist. I'm sure you and Debra want to get back to your active lifestyle as soon as possible, hmm?

Debra: I'm so sorry this happened, Frank.
Frank: Hey, I was happy to fix your stairs, Debra, because you needed it done. And if I had to break a hundred ribs, it's a small price to pay for the family stairs. Yes. I take care of my family. "Family," that's a funny word. Family, family, family, family.

Debra: We have to do something for him.
Ray: All right. Fine.
Debra: How do we make this up to him? We have to get him a satellite dish.
Ray: What? No! Look, I'll go to the cafeteria, I'll get him a nice Jell-o parfait.
Debra: We have to make this right. I cannot go to bed every night with those images in my head.
Ray: All right. I'll take care of it. Last thing you need is another excuse.

Marie: Oh, Raymond, I'm so glad you're back. I want to take Robbie and introduce him to a nurse I just met. Come on, Robbie.
Robert: I don't think I should meet anybody new right now. I didn't wash my hair today.
Marie: She works in the hospital. I'm sure she's used to seeing all kinds of things.
Frank: Come back soon, smushy face.

Frank: Hey, you want to know somethin', pal? Could I tell you a story?
Ray: Yeah. Yeah, sure.
Frank: One night your mother had a little too much Kahlua...
Ray: No, no, Dad! No!
Frank: But it's story time.
Ray: No, look, you need your rest.
Frank: Wait, you'll love this.
Ray: No, no, no, sweet dreams, pal.
Frank: It was cold outside...