Marie: Ah, the parade is on. I love the parade. [Frank changes the channel] What are you doing?
Frank: What?
Marie: You turned off the parade just 'cause I said I loved it?
Frank: That was a coincidence.
Marie: Well, change it back.
Frank: No.
Marie: I'm scraping the marshmallows off the yams.
Debra: [to Ray] Your parents are a treasure.

Warren: Hey hey, happy Turkey Day!
Lois: Yes, Raymond, thank you again for the lovely accommodations.
Warren: The coziest B&B on Long Island.
Ray: Think it'll be as cozy over in Europe?
Lois: Oh, I doubt it.
Ray: Yeah, so do I.
Warren: So where you keeping the libations locked up? It's got to be after 5:00 somewhere in the world.
Robert: I'm with you, Warren. Let's get snockered.

Lois: Oh, and Robert how nice that you're here.
[After Robert and Lois awkwardly greet each other and kiss, Robert walks straight out of the house]
Ray: Oh, he had to go. He's... He's passing a stone.

Warren: I'm sorry, but it's not healthy to go on pretending that everything is fine when it isn't.
Ray: Ma, you want to put the turkey down?
Marie: No.
Lois: Who are you to talk about healthy with your anal-retentive behavior? Why don't you tell everyone about how you keep your left socks in your left drawer and right socks in your right drawer.
Robert: What's wrong with that?

Warren: Maybe Dr. Sheely will have something to say about all of your pent up hostility.
Lois: My hostility?
Warren: That's right! You ought to see this woman in traffic. Curses like a stevedore!
Lois: Well, it's not because of the traffic, Warren. It's because of your insane whistling!
Warren: This whistling drowns out the profanity!
Lois: Well pucker up, Warren! Because here it comes!

Debra: Okay, Mom, Dad. Please, just calm down!
Lois: Why did you tell Debra about this?!
Warren: I didn't tell Debra!
Lois: Then how did she know?!
Debra: Ray heard you! He was hiding in the garage!
Ray: I wasn't hiding. All right, I checked the oil, okay. And it's a good thing I did, because we were a quart low.
Lois: Well, wonderful! Now everybody knows! I hope you're happy, Warren!
Robert: Sweet bastard, I'm getting happy! [chuckles]

Marie: How long are your relatives staying, dear?
Ray: Well, we hardly get to see them. When they come to town, we want to spend as much time as possible with them.

Lois: I'm getting something to drink.
Warren: Well, you have to do the homework.
Lois: I was doing the homework, Commandant!
Warren: No, you weren't doing it right. The binder says to list our partner's positive qualities with examples. Now, have you done any of the Fine!
Lois: Warren is very very good at being controlling!
Warren: "Controlling" has two L's. Let me see what else you wrote.
Lois: Get away from me!
Warren: Lois, show me what you wrote. I don't want to look ridiculous this week.
Lois: That's right! All you care about is how you look. Well, I don't even want to go to this thing. Why can't we go to Baden-Baden like we told everybody? This thing is going to be a waste of time.

Warren: Pumpkin, can I interest you in an aperitif?
Lois: Oh, that would be lovely.
Frank: Hey, Marie! Beer!
Marie: Get it yourself!

Frank: Here you are, meine Liebchen.
Lois: Oh, thank you, darling. Just the way I like it. Wunderbar!
Debra: Mom. Mom, that's enough.
Lois: What do you mean, dear?
Debra: It's enough, okay? I know.
Marie: What? What's enough? What do you know? What?
Debra: Nothing, Marie. It's private.
Frank: Private? What do you mean "private"? Hey, private.
Debra: You know what? It's nothing, really. I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm sorry about that, Mom. Okay! Let's all eat.