Lois: Marie, you're looking wonderful.
Marie: Oh, I just think I look like a wreck. I've been helping Debra cook. You can imagine.

Lois: It's so nice of you to give up your room for us, Raymond. I hope we're not putting you out.
Ray: No, no. No, except for the part where I've got to get out. [all laugh] Okay. I'll just get my jammies.
Warren: You know what's the best thing to sleep in?
Ray: A hotel?
Warren: Nothing! Au naturel. It really gives the body a sense of freedom, huh, honey?
Lois: Oh, let freedom ring!
Warren: Yeah, this is wunderbar.
Lois: Ah, nice firm mattress, huh?
Warren: Oh, yeah. This'll be great for my hip.
Ray: [quietly] My pillow.

Robert: Where am I sitting today, Deb?
Debra: Between my mom and your mom.
Robert: Got any hard cider?

Robert: So you're stuck with Debra's parents for the whole weekend?
Ray: Well, we hardly get to see them. So when they come to town, we want to spend as much time as possible with them. I've been told that's how I feel.

Lois: This is for our trip to Baden-Baden in Germany.
Warren: It's in the Schwarzwald. Right on the banks of the Oosbach.
Frank: Oosbach? You know, there are plenty of places with funny names right here in the U.S.
Debra: That's enough, Frank.
Frank: Milwaukee.
Ray: Dad.
Frank: Lake Tahoe.
Ray: What's funny about that?
Frank: Ta-hoe.

Marie: Ooh! My yams!
Frank: Plenty of marshmallows, right?!
Marie: Of course!
Frank: Because without the marshmallows, it's a damn vegetable!
Marie: I know!

Debra: Ray, could you show my parents upstairs?
Ray: Uh, yeah, all right. It's just it's up those stairs.
Debra: Take them up to their room, Ray!
Ray: We hardly get to see you. When you come, we want to spend as much time as possible with you.

Ray: Does your father shower before he goes to bed?
Debra: I don't know.
Ray: We have to get a new bed.
Debra: Would you just go to sleep? Goodness, you should be happy to have normal people in the house for a change.
Ray: Hey, say what you want about my father, he's never been naked in our bed. Except for that one Super Bowl.
Debra: You told me he was wearing underwear.
Ray: Just socks.
Debra: We got to get a new bed. Where are you going?
Ray: I'm thirsty. You know, if you listen real careful, you can hear my pillow screaming.

Debra: What, so you were hiding from them?
Ray: They were talking about personal stuff.
Debra: So?
Ray: You want to know what they were saying?
Debra: "What's that smell in the garage?"

Ray: It was about their trip. Their fakey-fake trip. To that foreign place.
Debra: What, Baden-Baden?
Ray: Mmm, see? You want to know. They're not really going there. They're going to New Jersey.
Debra: New Jersey?
Ray: For a week with a marriage counselor. [Debra turns around] That's right!
Debra: Huh?
Ray: That's all you're going to say, "Huh"? Come on, this is big doings here, sister, huh? She he hates that she's a phony, and she hates his Oosbach face.