Robert: Excuse me, uh, Lisa, may I have some some water, please?
Lisa: Sure.
Robert: And some dipping sauce for my little brother here.
Lisa: Coming right up.
Robert: Thank you, dear. [to Ray] You see, it's nice to be important. But it's more important to be nice.
Ray: Great, advice from a guy who made a teepee out of his French fries.
Robert: Big put down from a guy who just got kicked out of the Hall of Fame by someone with a flashlight and a whistle.

Robert: Now I may be upset that I didn't get to meet Art Shamsky, but I'm still able to keep my voice at a comfortable speaking level like so. You might want to give that a try too.
Ray: All right, let's try. Attention, jerk head, if you're joining me on the ride home-- I'm sorry, did I say joining? If you're mooching a ride home off me that you had to have your mommy ask for, there will be no talking, okay? You are not to say a word to me. And there will be no bathroom breaks either. So if you're smart, you'll do what I'm doing right now and visit the restroom.
Robert: Hope there's not a line.

Ray: Hi, good evening, Officer Jaro-skiwi.
Police Officer: Jaroshowitz.
Ray: Are you sure? So what seems to be the problem?
Police Officer; I had you at 55 in a 40. License and registration, please.
Ray: Uh, okay, sure. Sure, registration. It's right around here. Somewhere I keep it. Robert, why don't you tell this guy who you are and what you do for a living? [Robert "zips" his mouth shut] So this is a 40, huh?
Police Officer: Mm-hmm.
Ray: Yeah, a big road like this, you'd think it'd be a 60. In which case, I'd be going too slow, you know? Then you'd have to pull me over for impeding traffic. [chuckles]
Police Officer: All right, sir, it's up to you, which ticket would you prefer?
Ray: Uh, speeding will be fine.

Robert: All right, excuse me, Officer? Yes? Sergeant Robert Barone, NYPD, 2-4 Precinct.
Police Officer: Oh, you're NYPD?
Robert: Yeah, this here's my kid brother Raymond. I was dozing off so I didn't notice he had such a lead foot. But I'm gonna keep a closer eye on him from here on out, okay?
Police Officer: Look, with all due respect, we're pretty strict here with our laws. So I've got to write the ticket.
Robert: But I carry a shield.
Police Officer: Then you should know better, Officer.
Robert: Hey listen, I don't know how you do things out here in the sticks, okay? But in the city, cops look out for one another.
Police Officer: I'm glad we had this conversation. It gave me a chance to notice your brother's inspection sticker. Now I might just be a country bumpkin, don't know much about all that book learning and fancy numbers, but near as I can figure, this looks like it's expired. I'll be right back with another little present for y'all.
Robert: Come on! We're the good guys. We're brothers in blue. This is Ray Barone from "New York Newsday." Come on!

Debra: You're watching boxing? The kids are here.
Ray: Maybe they could use a little counter-programming. You showed them that "Swan Lake" video, Michael came downstairs this morning on his tippy-toes.
Debra: Come on, kids, I have some snacks in the kitchen. Hey, let's see those tippy-toes. That's good. Yeah.
Frank: [to Ray] You only have a month or two before that takes.