Rebecca: Where's Sam?
Carla: He's upstairs having lunch with Evan Dreck.
Rebecca: Oh, God, Mr. Drake shows up on a day that I'm late?
Carla: Well, don't worry. I've covered for you. Told him you were drunk.

Rebecca: You scum-sucking, power-hungry, backbiting creep. You stole my job.
Sam: Ah, come on. That's not true. But I will bite your back for you if you want.
Rebecca: Oh, well, then, what were you talking to Evan about?
Sam: He just offered me an executive position down at headquarters.
Rebecca: You scum-sucking, power-hungry, backbiting creep!

Mimi: [over intercom] Mr. Malone, some gentlemen are here to see you from the firm of Peterson, Clavin and Boyd.
Sam: Peterson, Clavin and Boyd. Peterson, Clavin and Boyd. Uh, Mimi, tell them I'm in an important meeting and can't see them, please. [guys complaining] Hey, get in here, you mugs! [guys laughing and exclaiming]
Woody: Uh, Sam, don't be nice, now. If you really have a meeting, we don't want to bother you.
Sam: No, no, oh, come on. Get in here. Get in here.

Norm: Well, major corporate digs, buddy, eh? Talk about your office in the sky.
Cliff: Hey, oh, hey, lookit down here. There's a guy washing windows.
Norm: Ooh.
Cliff: That's one job you wouldn't catch me doing for all the bridges in Bridgeport. [Sam chuckles] Standing on a platform there, suspended hundreds of feet over certain death.
Norm: You said it.
Cliff: Hey, let's throw something at him and scare him, eh?

Norm: Uh, we're running late for our next appointment anyway, boys.
Sam: Where is that?
Cliff: It's at the bottom of the lobby escalator watching the secretaries go up to the lunchroom. [guys chortling]
Norm: All aboard for the Underalls Express, now leaving Track 29. [guys imitating train whistle]
Sam: [laughs] You mugs!

Carla: Hi, everybody. I just got back from twin testing, and I would like to announce that I now like science 100 bucks more than I used to.
Norm: Hey, all right.
Carla: I found out that Little Elvis is a lot more aggressive in certain situations than Jesse. Or is it vice versa? Ah, who cares? Not these twins. [holds up two $50 notes]

Evan Drake: People, I have an announcement! Mr. Sam Malone, the newest member of the corporate softball team, just pitched a shutout against General Electric! [whooping and yelling]
Sam: I'd say I loved pinning back the ears of a Fortune 500 company. Kind of makes you feel proud to be part of the corporation, doesn't it?
Rebecca: Rah-rah-rah.
Sam: Hey, you know, I never knew that you were a cheerleader. Although I have always admired your pom-poms.
Rebecca: Sam, uh, why does your jersey say "Heppel" on the back?
Sam: Oh, that was some guy who used to work for the company. They haven't had time to order mine yet.
Evan Drake: Supply problems.
Rebecca: "Supply problems." Yes, that happens a lot in large corporations. You know, Sam, they were really lucky to get you on the team.
Sam: You want to know how lucky? They just made the playoffs the day before they hired me.

Sam: You know, I was hired for a lot of reasons.
Rebecca: Like what?
Sam: Yeah, I'll tell you, "like what". Like this report, for example. This sucker is loaded with input.
Rebecca: Sam, as one friend to another, I really am just trying to do you a favor. [buzzing]
Mimi: [over intercom] Mr. Drake is still in a sales meeting.
Sam: What do you mean, a sales meeting? Why aren't I there? l- l'm the Eastern- The Western l- l'm the Southwest- [Rebecca turns Sam's nameplate around] I'm the "Eastern Regional Sales Manager."
Mimi: I don't know, but he said to rest up your arm because you're starting tonight.
Sam: Well, there's just probably some mix-up. You know, maybe I missed a memo or something. I'm gonna go, uh, straighten this out right now. [clears throat] Don't you have a job to go to or something?

Sam: Man, this really bites it. I mean, here I thought you wanted me for my mind, and it turns out you just wanted me for my body. Where have I heard that before? [clears throat]
Evan Drake: Is it really that bad, Sam? I mean, you make good money. Everyone around here likes you. What's the problem?
Sam: The problem is that, you know, as soon as softball season's over, I'm out of here.
Evan Drake: You don't have to be. We'll find a place for you. I mean, uh, softball season next year.
Sam: No, no, no. You know, if I'm gonna stay here, I want it to be for legitimate reasons. I mean, come on, Evan, at least look at my report.
[After Sam places his report on Drake's desk, he stands up and starts to read]
Sam: Now, if you think that I have what it takes, you know, after looking at that, to be an executive right here, right now, the way I am, then, you know, then fine. But otherwise, I think you know, we should just shake hands like gentlemen and part company.
[With his eyes down looking at the report, Drake walks over and offers his hand to Sam]

Evan Drake: Yeah, well... You're all set then, huh?
Sam: Yeah, oh, yeah. Full steam ahead. Take no prisoners.
Evan Drake: Excellent. All right.
Sam: You know, l, uh I do have, uh, one little question, though.
Evan Drake: Shoot.
Sam: W- What do I do?
Evan Drake: Ah, yes, well, now, yours being a newly created position, your responsibilities as yet are not clearly defined.
Sam: Well, uh, that helps, that helps.
Evan Drake: But we're looking for your input.
Sam: Input. Got you; all right, input.
Evan Drake: Yeah, well, listen, I'm going to be late for lunch, so, uh, we'll talk later at softball practice, huh?
Sam: Oh, hey, you got a softball team, huh?
Evan Drake: Oh, yeah, all the corporations do. It's a lot of fun, very casual. Wear cleats.
Sam: Hey, I'll have lots of input for you then, sir. Okay, all right.