Bambi: Well, I've got to get going. I have to be at BU in half an hour.
Sam: BU? That's Boston University, isn't it, Bambi?
Bambi: That's right.
Sam: Where all the smart types hang out.
Diane: What are you studying there?
Bambi: Oh, I'm not studying anything. I'm going to be part of a fraternity stunt.
Sam: Yeah, she's- She's tutoring some of the boys.
Bambi: Well, in a way.

Sam: Well, I've done just about everything I know what to do.
Diane: You shined a flashlight on it.
Sam: Yeah, it usually works, too. This one's really got me stumped.

Cliff: Could somebody go up to Melville's and get me a little bit more soup? Larry? You're not doing anything important there.
Larry: Yeah, all right.
Cliff: Good man. Thanks a lot.
Larry: I suppose you want some crackers?
Cliff: Well, those low-sodium kind, all right?
Sam: What's he doing in my office?
Coach: Sam, the guy is sick as a dog.
Cliff: Actually, Coach, I'm not so bad now. I could probably sit up at the bar there and let Larry bring dinner down to me.

Cliff: So, anything serious going to happen to this ne'er-do-well?
Police Officer: Not serious enough.
Cliff: Yeah, dammit, I rue the day they outlawed flogging.
Police Officer: Bleeding hearts. So, how well do you know this guy?
Cliff: Well, you know, we talk every now and then. He's a portly guy, isn't he?
Police Officer: Full size.
Cliff: Yeah, yeah. So what actually is going to happen to this Patterson fella?
Police Officer: Peterson.
Cliff: Peterson.

Cliff: Hey, Sammy, what do you say we go shoot some stick, huh?
Sam: Sure, why not. Yeah, they arrested some guy on Cliff's route for mail theft.
Cliff: You want eight ball? Straight pool? Your choice, Sammy.
Diane: Wait a minute. Norman was finishing your route. Clifford?
Sam: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What was that? Norm?
Carla: You mean they arrested Norm and you didn't straighten the cop out?
Cliff: Well, not exactly. It's a little bit complicated. So, Sam, do you want to break?

Carla: Look, Norm was doing you a favor.
Coach: You don't even know if you are going to get into trouble, Cliffie.
Cliff: Come on. Will you get off my back? All right, look, if this is what I gotta do, I'll do the gutsy thing and call the post office and get Norm out of there. I'll call them and tell them it was the O'Hara kid. Yeah, yeah. He wouldn't mind spending some time in jail, if you get my drift. [others groan] Hey, hey, hey. Where's your sense of humor? If Norm was here, he'd be laughing.
Carla: If Norm was here, he'd be tearing out your tonsils and feeding them to you.

Sam: Well, what are you doing down there?
Diane: [o.s.] Aerobics, you idiot.
Sam: Well, why don't you get out of there, silly, so I can fix it?
Diane: [o.s.] I can't crawl any further and my clothes are snagged on something so I can't back up. I'm stuck right here.
Carla: OK, egg-toss fans, step right up! Hit the geek and win a beer. Three eggs for a nickel.
Diane: [o.s.] Sam, aren't you going to step in?
Sam: You bet your booties I am. I only got a dime, give me six, Carla.

Cliff: Well, my supervisor confirmed exactly what I had suspected all along.
Carla: That he hired you as a token weenie.

Carla: You know, Diane, the important thing here is just to relax and stay calm. Just remember, rats sense fear.
Diane: [o.s.] Carla!

Diane: [o.s.] Sam, I'm not hungry and I'm not cold. I just want to get out of here.
Sam: I know, sweetheart. The guy I called said he'll be here in a minute. Say... Just on the off chance that the guy's not able to get you out of there, don't you think you'd feel better if you were to declare your love for me now, while you still had the chance?
Diane: [o.s.] You're right, Sam. [whispers]
Sam: What did you say? [Sam sticks his head down the vent to listen to Diane] Yeow! Let go! Let go! Come on! Well, she said she loves me, always has, always will. You're off the clock, sweetheart.