‘The Mail Goes to Jail’
Season 3, Episode 17 - Aired February 7, 1985
When Norm is jailed after helping a sick Cliff finish his mail round, everyone at the bar is outraged that Cliff cares more about protecting his job than his best friend.
Quote from Carla
Al: Only a dollar?
Carla: No, it's happy hour. It's only 50 cents.
Al: Okay. [uses breath spray] [to Diane] Pucker up, baby!
Sam: Hold it. Go sit down! Go sit down. [to Carla] How could you do that?
Carla: It's all right, Sammy. He had all his shots in the army.
Quote from Cliff
Carla: Say, Cliffie, what do you suppose is going to happen when the big guy walks through that door?
Cliff: Well, I think our attitude should be he's paid his debt to society. Let him start a new life, I say.
Sam: That's not exactly what Carla had in mind, Cliff.
Coach: He's going to be plenty sore at you, Cliffo.
Cliff: Well, I suppose he is, Coach, and perhaps justly so.
Carla: Perhaps?
Cliff: Underneath that anger is going to be love and understanding. See, we go back a long way, he and l. When that big fella comes in, I'm just going to go up to him, admit my error and ask for his forgiveness.
Carla: Here comes Norm now.
Cliff: Ah, good. If I know him, his understanding will not long be withheld. [Cliff runs as Norm storms into the bar]
Quote from Cliff
Norm: Get him out of here, Sam. Out of this bar, out of my life for ever.
Cliff: Okay, all right, Normie, look, I'll go. But I want you to remember one thing. I took a chance for you. I confessed and got you out of jail.
Norm: I wouldn't have been in jail if it wasn't for you!
Cliff: All right, I'm sorry about that, Normie. I'm really sorry, but try and understand. Your job's just a job, but being a mailman's my whole identity. I risked my whole world, my entire life, to buy your freedom, because I love you, Norm.
Sam: Oh, come on, Norm, isn't there something Cliff can do?
Diane: [o.s.] Norman, he's right. [Sam points a confused Norm towards the vent] What is your heart telling you?
Sam: Never mind. It's a long story.
Cliff: Goodbye, Norm.
Quote from Norm
Norm: All right, wait, Cliffie. I guess we have been friends a long time. You are, by nature, a weasel. There's something you can do for me, I guess. You can buy me a beer... with your pants around your ankles.
Cliff: [chuckles] You can't be serious, Norm.
Norm: Ankles, Cliffie. Standing on that stool... while barking like a seal.
[As a couple enter the bar, Cliff drops his pants, climbs on the bar, puts two straws in his mouth and starts barking like a seal]
Man: Let's not stay. There'll be a cover charge.