Cliff: But Ma, Ma, you can't do this. A Clavin cannot be bought off.
Esther Clavin: I'm only a Clavin by marriage, Clifford.

Esther Clavin: You got to help me. I'm desperate.
Norm: What?
Esther Clavin: Cliff's locked himself in the house. No, I've tried everything. He won't budge. Ours is the last house on the block scheduled for demolition, and that's today. I'm at my wit's end. You got to help me.
Norm: I'll talk to him. I'll see what I can do.
Esther Clavin: Oh, thank you, Norm. I hope he doesn't try anything crazy. The last thing on Earth I want to see is my son's face on the 11:00 news.
Carla: There's a whole city out there that agrees with ya.

Frasier: Oh, and get this. I just heard a little bit of information about someone with whom we're all acquainted.
Carla: Is it juicy?
Frasier: Well, yes.
Carla: Could it embarrass someone?
Frasier: Oh, most definitely.
Carla: Is it me?
Frasier: No.
Carla: Spill it.

Frasier: Well, I had lunch today with an ex-colleague of mine who attended the University of Connecticut at the same time as a certain Miss Rebecca Howe. Now, it seems that this particular Rebecca Howe was known as - well, let's just say it - the party girl on campus.
Carla: Our Rebecca? Miss Granite Panties?
Sam: The one who goes through life with her knees bolted together?

Jim McNulty: Hey, Cliff, remember me?
Cliff: Yeah, yeah. Jim McNulty. You own a house down at the corner. You ever going to take those Christmas lights down?
Jim McNulty: Yeah, as soon as a weekend goes by you don't have another garage sale. Listen, l, uh, I've been going around to good neighbors like yourself hoping I can get your support.
Cliff: Well, uh what am I looking at here?
Jim McNulty: Oh, it's a petition agreeing not to sell out to these big developers who've been trying to buy up our houses and build mini malls.
Cliff: [chuckling] Jimbo, Jimbo, Jimbo. You know, new development only increases property values. I wouldn't sign that petition if you beat me senseless.
Carla: You know, it may be too late, but let's give it a try.

Rebecca: What's so funny?
Sam: Oh, we were just talking about nicknames, you know. Different funny nicknames that people have. Did you ever have a nickname?
Rebecca: As a matter of fact, no.
Sam: Really. Nothing, huh? Not a Spark or Lefty or Bubba or something?
Rebecca: Sorry.
Sam: Guys, we ought to give Rebecca, here, a nickname, uh... You know, something that, uh, kinda fits her personality.
Cliff: All right.
Sam: Kinda dignified. Kinda businesslike. Kinda reserved. Let me think. Oh, yeah. Anybody?
All: Backseat Becky!
[Rebecca drops to the floor in shame]
Sam: Gee, that, uh, that works for me.
Woody: I kind of like "Bubba."

Rebecca: Oh, God. Then you probably know the whole sordid story.
Frasier: Well, actually, no.
Rebecca: Well, that's because there isn't one.
Sam: Hey, hey, come on, come on. Don't worry about that. Listen, the truth is I'm looking to buy a new car, and l, uh, I need an expert opinion. Uh, now what- What what model do you think has the best rear shocks? [laughter]
Carla: Have you driven a Ford lately?
Norm: I guess she gives new meaning to the term "four on the floor."

Cliff: Oh, guys, you gotta help me. She's going to go through with this.
Sam: Well, why don't you offer to buy the place back?
Cliff: Sammy, I don't have enough money for a down payment. Wait a minute. Can either of you guys lend me $50,000? [Sam chuckles]
Norm: I'm sorry, Cliff, you never paid me back that million from last week.

William Cronin: Well, it's been a pleasure doing business with you, Mrs. Clavin. Thank you.
[Cliff runs over, grabs a piece of paper from Cronin's hand and rips it to shreds]
Cliff: There! There! Now what are you going to do?
William Cronin: Well, first I'm going to take this contract down to the office, and then I'm going to call my wife and ask her what I'm supposed to pick up at the grocery store.

Norm: ...the world's biggest ass!
Esther Clavin: Clifford, now take off those silly handcuffs.
Cliff: I can't. I flushed the key.
Esther Clavin: Norman, go outside and see if you can find some tin snips. Ask for Biff. He loaned us the hard hats.