Diane: Do you want to be forgiven? You're forgiven.
Sumner: Thank you, Diane. Far more than I deserve.
Diane: Now, why don't we both just go about our lives?
Sumner: Well, I do have to be running along. I have a class shortly. Dare I think this thought?
Diane: What?
Sumner: Let's have a dinner together. The three of us. I want you to know Barbara.
Diane: Oh, I don't wanna know Barbara.
Sumner: If you want to understand me and what I did to you, you must know Barbara.
Diane: I'd feel very uncomfortable.
Sumner: Oh, you wouldn't, Diane. You two are sisters of the soul. You have so much to share. Please, Diane. Do it for me. For what was once and always will be ours.
Diane: All right.
Sumner: Splendid. Oh, are you seeing anyone now?
Diane: No.
Sumner: There's no one you want to bring along?
Diane: No.
Sumner: Very well, just the three of us. I'm looking forward to it. Until then.

Diane: Can you believe he came in here thinking he was just gonna apologize for everything?
Sam: Want me to punch his lights out for you?
Diane: No, I think the best thing for everyone now is to just let it fade from our memories. You are the only one in the world for me now.
Sumner: [enters] Oh, Diane, I just remembered my Chaucer lecture on Friday night. Can you make it Saturday?
Diane: Uh... Sure.
Sumner: Great. See you then. [exits]
Diane: [to Sam] Now before you get angry, this can all be explained very easily. He wants me to meet his wife Barbara. It's an innocent dinner for us to get acquainted. I didn't want you to worry, so I.. l told him a little white lie.
Sumner: [returns] One more thing, Diane. Since you're not seeing anyone, I know a young fellow in the philosophy department you might like.
Diane: No. Thank you.
Sumner: As you wish. [exits]
Diane: This one's a little harder.

Diane: You don't understand. I didn't tell him about us because I didn't think it was any of his business.
Sam: Oh, yeah? Then how come you lied to me, huh?
Diane: l didn't lie to you. I just didn't mention it. There's a difference.
Cliff: Ah, it's a subtle difference at best there, Diane.
Diane: Cliff. [to Sam] I should have mentioned it. I'm sorry.
Cliff: Well, it's OK.

Sam: Hey, I'm not an idiot. You didn't tell him about me because you're ashamed of me. You're afraid I'm going to embarrass you or something.
Diane: I'm not ashamed of you. Sam, you've got to understand. I have always been intimidated by that man myself. He thinks everyone is beneath him. You make a mental mistake around him, he's merciless. I was trying to protect you.
Sam: You're saying I'm too dumb to associate with your friends and I think that stinks. Another thing. You're as much of a snob as he is, you know that?
Diane: You're right. I'm going to call Sumner right now and tell him you will be my date Saturday night. You're my fella. And I'm proud of it, Sam.

Sam: No, listen, if this is the best book ever written, I'm gonna read it. Matter of fact, I'll go get it right now. What was the name again?
Cliff: Uh, War And Peace. Do you have to write that down?
Norm: And misspell it?
Coach: The apartment, Sam. The apartment.

Sam: God, they're gonna be here any minute. Oh, God. Cold coffee. You know, I've been up five nights.
Norm: Ouch.
Sam: No, I feel great. I really do. What did I stand up for?
Cliff: To hike up your shorts?
Sam: No.

Diane: Sumner.
Sumner: Ah, Diane.
Diane: Where's Barbara?
Sumner: Barbara can't make it. She's ill.
Diane: Well, then, we'll make it another time.
Sumner: Nonsense. I won't hear it. We'll be poorer for her absence but richer when the check comes. [laughs]

Sam: Hey, guys. It's in the bag. I finished it.
Norm: Sammy, shoes, shoes, shoes...
[Sam runs back to get his shoes from Carla]
Sam: Thank you.
Diane: Here he is. Sam? You didn't shave?
Sam: Oh, no, no. I needed a new place to scratch.

Sam: Hey, you know, I am really looking forward to this evening. I've been waiting a long time to sit down with this guy and talk a little War And Peace.
Diane: War And Peace?
Sam: Oh, yeah. Great book. Classy.
Sumner: Please. I taught a Tolstoy seminar for six years. I vowed never to discuss him again.
Diane: It is the most over-analysed novel ever written. [both exit]
[Carla splashes a drink in Sam's face]
Sam: Thanks.

Sumner: The only verifiable proof of the existence of a supreme being-
Sam: So, what are we talking about here?
Diane: We're talking about God.
Sumner: The only verifiable proof of a supreme being-
Sam: Well, what about God?
Diane: Well, it's rather involved.
Sam: Well, that's okay. I like involved. Fire away.
Diane: Sumner was just saying the early mystics perceived God without subjecting him to tangible proof.
Sam: Well, you know what I think about that?
Sumner: What, Sam?
Sam: [blows raspberry]