Nick Tortelli: Who are you?
Woody: I'm Woody Boyd.
Nick Tortelli: Big deal. Where--? Where is everybody? [sees Norm and Cliff] Oh, there's those two bozos.

Carla: Nick Tortelli? As I live and breathe, what a surprise.
Nick Tortelli: What do you say, Carla? Are we gonna kill them at that dance contest?
Carla: You came here to go to that dance contest with me?
Nick Tortelli: Sure. Yeah, I'm gonna win that contest and go to Hawaii, where the girls wear grass skirts. And I'm planning on bringing my hedge clippers.
Carla: [laughs] You gotta admit, the guy's a panic.

Nick Tortelli: That's it. If you were the last babe on earth, I wouldn't dance with you. I got an idea. I'm gonna show you how good a dancer I am. I'm gonna go with Loretta.
Loretta: Oh, Nicky, I'm honored. We haven't danced since our wedding. And we've never danced fully clothed.
Nick Tortelli: There you go. It's me and Loretta. And you, Carla, can eat dirt.
Carla: That's what you think. I'm gonna get myself a new partner and beat the pants off of you.
Nick Tortelli: Oh, yeah? Who are you gonna get?
Carla: Eddie Csznyk.
Nick Tortelli: Eddie Csznyk, the Polish Prancer?
Carla: That's right. He was always wanting to dance with me, and I always turned him down to go with you.
Nick Tortelli: Yeah, that was the last smart move you ever made. Come on, Loretta, we're gonna practice until our feet bleed.
Loretta: Okay. Bye, gang at Cheers.

Cliff: Hey, Carla, I saw him, I saw him. He's dancing down the street. Boy, he's beautiful. Makes Fred Astaire look like a gorilla.
Carla: You sure it's him?
Cliff: Yeah, I'm sure it's him. I called out, "Hey, Eddie Csznyk," and he waved back.
Carla: This is it. My luck is finally changing. Eddie!
Eddie: [o.s.] Carla! Check out my footwork.
Carla: Eddie, your shoelace is un... [Eddie falls down the steps] tied.

Diane: Sam? Why don't you help her out.
Sam: What are you talking about?
Diane: Oh, you know very well what I'm talking about. You're a great dancer. You won that trophy at our ballroom-dancing class.
Sam: Don't, don't- The fact that you talked me into taking that stupid class is embarrassing enough.
Diane: Sam, are you going to help Carla?
Sam: No, I'm not.
Diane: Why not?
Sam: I am a jock. I've got an image to protect. I don't want people thinking I'm too graceful, if you know what I mean.
Diane: Oh, there's nothing wrong with being graceful.
Sam: I'm not worried about being graceful. I'm worried about being too graceful.

Diane: Oh, it's not like you're being asked to perform Swan Lake in a tutu.
Sam: Why did that particular image come to mind?
Diane: Sam, please. Baryshnikov is graceful, and he's one of the sexiest men alive.
Sam: Oh, come on. Barysh- We all know why women go for Baryshnikov.
Diane: Oh, and why is that?
Sam: Well, because of what he wears. I mean, those tights have no secrets.
Cliff: Eh, don't believe everything you see, Sammy. You know, I think he's padded. Probably orders it from that catalog.
Norm: What catalog?
Cliff: Uh.... Uh... Well, I heard some guys talking.

Carla: Well, no luck back there either. Well, I can still take the honorable way out. I'm going home to burn my feet on the radiator.

Cheryl: Carla. Is that you?
Carla: Yeah. Cheryl, is that you?
Cheryl: Yeah.
[They walk right past each other]
Carla: We never liked each other very much.

Floyd Panjeric: Hi, kids.
Carla: That's the way he started every show.
Sam: That's catchy.
Floyd Panjeric: A lot of great years, and a lot of great music, and a lot of grey hairs have gone by. But you know what? Out of all the music, I think our music was the best music. What do you say?
Carla: You're a lame-o!
Floyd Panjeric: Oh, you kids. Spunky as ever.

Carla: You know, Sammy, when Nick and I used to go to these dance contests, we always used to spit on each other's shoes for good luck. [spits] Well? [Sam spits] You missed. I hope you dance better than you spit.