Cap Richards: Cap Richards. I'm Dutch's personal manager. I cooked up this whole thing. Glad I got a chance to talk to you. Uh, here's how it's gonna work. Throw the first two pitches however you want. The third one, though, just float it across home plate, nice and easy.
Sam: Oh, what?
Cap Richards: Yeah, I thought the home run would be more dramatic on the third pitch. But if you want to do it on the first pitch, like you used to, go ahead.
Sam: You've gotta be kidding. Sam Malone does not take a dive. Yeah, I came down here to strike this guy out and that's what I'm gonna do. You know, if he wants to get a hit, he's gonna have to earn it.
Cap Richards: Whoa, this is not good.

Carla: You ready, Sammy?
Sam: Yeah. Dutch Kincaid. I can strike this guy out, can't l?
Carla: Of course you can. Listen, this is your chance to make up for the old days. It's the last thing anyone's ever gonna remember about Sammy Mayday Malone, that he struck out Dutch Kincaid. Now go on out there and smoke three fast ones past that lousy flat-headed bastard. [sobbing] I need to get another Kleenex.

Billy: Excuse me, are you Sam Malone?
Sam: Yeah. Yeah. Wh- Wh- What's your name?
Billy: Billy Kincaid.
Sam: How do you do, Billy?
Sam: Oh, now you wouldn't, you wouldn't be a relation to Dutch Kincaid would you?
Billy: He's my grandpa. I've heard all his neat stories about how you used to help him hit those long home runs. I never got to see one, though. I sure hope I can see one today.
Sam: [chuckles] I may have to disappoint you there.
Billy: This is the last time Grandpa's ever going to play. It's today or never.
Sam: Go away, will you? Go on.
Billy: My two brothers and my baby sister are all watching at home. None of us ever saw him hit a home run.
Sam: Give me a break, will you?
Billy: Grandpa told us he wants to hit a ball so hard, it'll go up to heaven, so Grandma can say hello.

Sam: I know what you're thinking. But I can explain it. I know it looked like a home run.
Norm: Yeah, our first clue was when the ball actually left the stadium.
Sam: Yeah, but it doesn't count 'cause I did it on purpose.
Cliff: All right.
Carla: Oh, sure, Sam. You let him get a home run off you on purpose.
Sam: No, no. I did it for Kincaid's grandkid. He wanted to see his grandfather hit a home run, so... Well, hell, he can explain it to you. Billy. Yo, hey, Billy!
Carla: Oh, right, Sam. Whatever you say. We believe you.
Sam: Why are you using that voice? That's your "I don't believe you" voice.
Carla: No it's not, Sam. I do believe you.
Sam: Then why are you still talking- Oh, come on, listen, Billy'll tell you everything. Hey, Billy! Come on, Billy!
Carla: Sam, Sam. Come on. Let's go home. We get to go on an airplane ride. And maybe when we're up there, we'll get to see that pitch you served Dutch.
Sam: I'm telling you, I did it on purpose. I swear to God. There was this kid... Come on, Billy! This isn't funny!

Carla: But we do believe you, Sam.
Sam: I'm getting tired of that voice. You know, I don't care what you guys think. In my heart, I know I did this...
All: for a little boy and his dead grandmother.

Woody: Oh, guys, look. Spotty fell asleep on my shoe. He's so sweet. I just wish I was wearing sandals so I could feel his little puppy breath.

Rebecca: Hi, gentlemen. What can I get you?
Fireman #1: Just coffee. We're on duty.
Rebecca: What's the matter?
Fireman #1: Well, two weeks ago our dog ran away. Cutest little puppy you ever saw. He's just about so big. Today, Chief made us give up our search.
Rebecca: Oh. Woody, I think they're talking about Spotty. Do you want to say something?
Woody: No. Make them go away.
Rebecca: Come on, Woody. It is obvious that it is their dog. And give me a break, a Dalmatian, the fire department.
Woody: It's a different dog, ratfink. Just 'cause you lost your stupid cat.

Fireman #1: Remember when he was born?
Fireman #2: Oh-h-h-h.
Fireman #1: We each took hour-long shifts feeding him warm milk through an eyedropper.
Fireman #2: Remember how he used to fall asleep on my shoe?
Fireman #1: Yeah.
Fireman #2: I can still feel his warm little puppy breath.
Woody: [cries]
Fireman #3: What is it?
Woody: Nothing. Go away. Isn't there a fire somewhere? Oh, the heck with it. I didn't want him anyway. He's all covered with spots.

Fireman #3: You know, we had a reward posted. A hundred bucks.
Woody: Oh, I don't care about the money. I just want what's best for Spotty.
Fireman #3: Gee, I'm, sorry, kid.
Woody: Now, a ride on a real fire engine might help.
Fireman #3: We can't let you do that.
Woody: [cries] I miss him so much!
Fireman #3: All right, come on. But don't tell anybody.
Woody: Yeah! [jumps over the bar] Hey, can l, can I run the siren?
Fireman #31: No, that would be illegal.
Woody: [cries] Oh, geez, Spotty meant everything to me!
Fireman #3: All right, you can turn on the siren.
Woody: Well, can I wear your hat?
Fireman #3: It's part of the uniform.
Woody: Well, can I drive, please, please?!
Fireman #3: Here, take the dog. Take the dog.
Woody: [crying] We snowed 'em, dude.

Dutch Kincaid: Where's little Miss Malone? In the office?
Carla: Haven't you humiliated him enough?
Dutch Kincaid: Hey, not as much as he humiliated me. Hey, Malone! Pull on your pantyhose and get out here. We've got a score to settle.
Sam: Come on, Dutch. You had your home run. Why don't we just leave it at that?
Dutch Kincaid: I'm not gonna leave it at that. You deliberately threw me a cream puff. I don't need your charity pitches.
Sam: I didn't do it for you. I did it for your grandkid.
Dutch Kincaid: I don't have any grandkid.
Sam: What do you mean, you don't have any grandkid?
Dutch Kincaid: Naw, my personal manager and his kid are always pulling that scam. That's how I got Dutch Kincaid Day.