Carla: Hey, Woody, would you close up for me tonight? I got to get home.
Woody: No problem, Carla. By the way, I really am envious of you having a nice big family to go home to.
Carla: Oh, yeah, it's great, all right. I got 11 people living under a roof that was meant for only six. Gino's dog just had puppies on my side of the bed. My daughter-in-law is driving me nuts, and somehow, my mother-in-law got a hold of our address.
Woody: Puppies. You lucky duck.

Norm: Uh, but, no, he said he's on his way over here. Sometime, like, uh around nowish.
Rebecca: Now?! God.
[Rebecca rushes to her desk, pulls a comb and mirror out of her handbag, and furiously combs her hair]
Norm: Shall l, uh, comb my hair, too, or will I be leaving?
Rebecca: [answers phone] Rebecca Howe. Oh, hello, Mr. Drake. I thought you were-- Norm. No, no, no, I know you're not Norm. You're Evan. What I meant to say was-- Get out of here. No, no, no, not you. You stay right where you are. No, I swear... [shouts] Get out! Oh. Hello?

Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, I really feel bad about you being cut off.
Norm: Yeah.
Woody: You know, I remember the good old days when you used to come in here and say something funny. I'd pour you a beer. You'd drink it, I'd pour you another one, you'd drink that, too.
Norm: Yeah. Yeah, I remember, Woody.
Woody: So look at that. Hardly even touched.
Norm: Yeah.
Woody: I'll tell you, I don't normally drink beer, but, uh, I just cleaned the taps, and I wanted to make sure that everything was all right, so I had one. It was like a mountain stream, only colder, fresher. You know, sometimes there's nothing like a nice cold beer to really hit the spot.
Norm: Yeah, I think I read that somewhere, Woody.

Rebecca: You really do seem to be enjoying this job.
Norm: Yeah. Yeah, I actually do, you know? I think painting is just so vastly different from accounting. This is real, you know? This I have some control over. I mean, when I look back, I finish a job, I can say, "You know, I did that." [while looking back at Rebecca, Norm pains on the door] Door must have moved. You know, I think that this color is the exact same color as Mary Lou Sebold's car coat.
Rebecca: Who?
Norm: This girl I had an insane crush on in the third grade. Except she had no idea that I was alive. I used to leave little notes for her. "l love you." And one day, I finally got up the nerve to sign one, N.P. The next week, she was going steady with my best friend, Nicky Petropolis.
Rebecca: What'd you do?
Norm: The only thing I could do, really. I went over to Nicky, and I calmly explained the situation. Then I sat on him. [Rebecca laughs]
Rebecca: Oh, God. I think that's the first time I've really laughed since I took over here.
Norm: Oh, it is, trust me.
Rebecca: Why'd you tell me that story?
Norm: Well, I don't know. It's kind of late. We're alone. I'm a man, you're a woman. Maybe it's the paint talking.

Rebecca: Do you find me cold?
Norm: You? Cold? No. No, I wouldn't say cold. Coolish. In the brisk area, but, uh... Why? Who, uh who says you're cold?
Rebecca: Everyone.
Norm: Oh. Well, I don't think you're cold.
Rebecca: Really?
Norm: Yeah. I always meant to tell you that, but I didn't feel as though I could approach you.
Rebecca: Thank you, Norm.

Rebecca: Norm.
Norm: Hmm?
Rebecca: It's Carla on the phone. Your wife needs you at home right away. Something about two feet of water in the basement.
Sam: Oh, boy, that's serious.
Norm: That's, like, a foot more than usual.

Sam: Well, all right, all right, Um... Where were you born?
Rebecca: San Diego.
Sam: San Diego. California, huh?
Rebecca: No, Kansas.
Sam: Come on.
Rebecca: My father's a captain in the Navy. My mother's an interior designer. My brother's a surgeon. My other brother's an attorney. My sister was Miss San Diego. [mimics gagging] The only really happy moment of my life is when I ran away to San Francisco and hung out with Grace Slick. Do you want to know the lyrics to "White Rabbit," or can I quit now?
Sam: Ah. Boy, it sounds like some of the kids in your family are pretty successful, huh?
Rebecca: Yeah, well, if you measure success in terms of wealth, happiness, and my father's undying devotion, maybe.
Sam: Yeah. Boy, I know. I got a brother like that. International lawyer. Handsome, smart, funny. And the guy plays the piano, and he speaks four languages, flies his own jet. [mimics gagging] Seems like my whole life I've been trying to get out from under his shadow.
Rebecca: I know just what you mean. Does he ever come in the bar?
Sam: No, but, uh, I'll call him, if you'll call Miss San Diego.
Rebecca: Nah. They'd probably end up leaving together. [both laugh]

Sam: Now, what what's wrong with her, you know?
Carla: Maybe one of the chains in her underwear is twisted.

Sam: Maybe he could work it off, huh? [Norm and Cliff laugh] No, I'm serious. Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey. Listen, maybe there's some accounting he could do for the bar.
Rebecca: Our corporation's books are handled by Franklin, Sussman and Gurwitz.
Norm: Ooh, they're very good, Sam. They canned me a couple years ago.
Sam: Please.
Rebecca: [sighs] Are you good at anything?
Carla: Yeah, but you cut him off.

Norm: You know, I- I really like this color. I think it's gonna really spruce up the office quite a bit. [Rebecca sobs] Again, it's just an opinion. Uh... [Rebecca sobs] Is there something wrong? [Rebecca tearfully mumbles] Right. Well, yes, I understand, of course. Here, here, have a seat, have a seat. Just relax.
Rebecca: Oh, God.
Norm: Here.
Rebecca: Some authority figure. I'm sorry. It's probably just job stress.
Norm: Oh, you shouldn't be having job stress. You're doing a great job here.
Rebecca: Oh, tell that to Mr. Drake. He said I should consider the last fiscal report a personal embarrassment. [sobbing] Norm, I need your help.
Norm: Uh, you just started. You're- You're gonna do fine. Things are gonna turn around, I swear. Uh...
Rebecca: No, you idiot. My hair's stuck to the wall.