Joanne: That was quite a commentary, Sam.
Sam: Well, I hope I didn't offend anyone, you know? I just feel like it had to be said.
Joanne: Mm. Would you mind a little friendly critique?
Sam: No, no. Go ahead.
Joanne: I know this is the first time you've done this, but I think you might want your commentaries to be a little more... Oh, what's the word I'm searching for? Interesting.
Sam: Interesting. Right. You know, that gives me something to shoot for there. Say, uh, there's a late-breaking story over at my place around 12:00-ish. Care to cover it?
Joanne: Sorry, I don't do fluff pieces.

Man: [on TV] Not to waste any of the grout. Remember, it's nine cents a ton...
Rebecca: This looks really fascinating.
Frasier: Oh, I'll say. Gee, you should've seen this guy put the flasher on the roof.
Rebecca: I'm so sorry I missed that. I was watching Sam do the sports on Channel 13.
[Frasier, Woody, Norm, Cliff and Carla back away from Rebecca]

Sam: So, Carla how was I really?
Carla: It was like watching old people eat. You delivered the sports fine, but you got to jazz up the commentary.
Sam: Yeah, yeah, boy, they said that same thing down at the station.
Carla: Well, you know, you got to talk about something a little more interesting than rooting for the home team. You know, that's like saying, "Let's all drive safely."
Sam: Well, there goes tomorrow's commentary. You know, I want to do so great at this job, but it's kind of tough, you know? I got to come up with five opinions a week.
Woody: Well, they couldn't pay me enough.

Sam: You know, I'll worry about this later. Right now I got to get Rebecca to give me the rest of my nights off.
Norm: No problem there, Sammy. I don't think you work here anymore.
Sam: What are you talking about?
Carla: Vampira knows. She was watching TV in her office.
Sam: She has a TV in there?
Carla: Yeah, one of those little tiny ones, like her heart.

Sam: Uh, Ms. Howe? I have a confession to make. You know that story about my apartment being robbed? I made that all up.
Rebecca: No!
Sam: Yeah, yeah. Actually, I was down at Channel 13 doing the sportscast. Hope you're not mad.
Rebecca: Well, you used to be the boss. How did you feel when people lied to you?
Sam: Ah, well, I had a rule. When anyone ever lied to me, they had to go to bed with me.
Rebecca: Well, that's one way to make sure it won't happen again.

Sam: Son of a gun, you do have heart.
Rebecca: Of course I do.
Sam: Tell me though. What'd you think? How'd I look out there?
Rebecca: I've never seen you look better.
Sam: Really?
Rebecca: You should always be this size.
Sam: Let me give you some advice here: never do this to a guy.

Norm: Guys, guys, he's about to do the commentary here.
Hugh: Anybody know what the topic's going to be?
Cliff: Well, no, no, he said he was going to crank it up by taking a firm stand.
Carla: Hey, Woody, wasn't he rehearsing with you?
Woody: Yeah, but he made me promise not to tell you guys. It's too exciting. And I don't remember.

Cliff: Well, I guess as per usual, it's up to me as his best friend to tell him the truth.
Norm: You? I'm sure he'll understand if I tell him.
Carla: Hey, nobody is tighter with Sammy than me. I'm the one who should tell him he stinks.
Sam: [enters] So what'd you think of my commentary tonight?
Carla: I thought you were wonderful.

Sam: It just felt great up there. I tell you, ever since I sold the bar I've been floundering. It's like I'm standing in quicksand. You know, I've been trying to get my feet planted on the ground and all of a sudden, it's all come together. It's like everything I've ever done in my life has been leading up to this moment. My knowledge of sports, my good looks, my ability to rhyme. You know, I tell you, I think I found my niche in life.
Cliff: They liked you down at the station?
Sam: Are you kidding, liked me? Man, they were speechless.

Sam: Oh, boy. It seemed like such a good idea at the time. Boy, I wanted that job so bad. I wanted to make it work. I guess I just went over the edge, huh?
Woody: Hey, make him talk, Sam. Make him say my name.
Sam: Maybe later, Woody. My lips are kind of tired right now.
Rebecca: I know things seem a little bleak right now, but, um, I think there's two important things to look at here. One: at least you took a chance. And two - and this is the important one - you know when to quit.