Sam: He recognized me from my ball-playing days.
Admiral William J. Crowe Jr.: Nobody gives up tearing home runs like Sam Malone.
Sam: Thanks.
Admiral William J. Crowe Jr.: I wish our missiles flew as high and as far.

Rebecca: Admiral, hi.
Admiral William J. Crowe Jr.: Hi.
Rebecca: I'm Rebecca Howe. It is truly an honor to have you in our bar. [curtsies]
Admiral William J. Crowe Jr.: It's an honor for me as well.
Rebecca: Is there anything I can do for you? Anything at all?
Admiral William J. Crowe Jr.: Well, for starters, you might go out with Sam Malone. I hate to see a man in constant pain.
Rebecca: Maybe you could ask me to do something more enjoyable. Like, say, a commando mission in Libya?
Admiral William J. Crowe Jr.: I tried, Sam.

Carla: Hey, Ad, park it. I'm Carla Tortelli LeBec.
Admiral William J. Crowe Jr.: Hello, Carla.
Carla: I was wondering if I could ask you a favor.
Admiral William J. Crowe Jr.: Sure.
Carla: If you're ever on the USS Lexington, could you find out why nobody has ever called or dropped a note or sent a card?
Admiral William J. Crowe Jr.: That must be a hell of a ship.
Carla: I've had better.

Rebecca: Am I lucky or what? One of the most famous people in the country comes into my bar, and I am dressed for it.
Carla: By the way, Rebecca, when are you going to take that thing off?
Rebecca: Oh, I might just dress this way all the time. It makes me feel all at once desirable and businesslike.
Carla: You got a point. About a half dozen guys asked me how much you charge. By the way, if anyone says "Carla sent me," you owe me five bucks.

Woody: Carla, I'm just about to have a break. You think you can teach me to make raspberry sounds with my armpit?
Carla: No, no, I've got to be wearing a tank top to get the full effect. But you know, I can teach you how to make blue sparks in your mouth with a Lifesaver candy.

Rebecca: They're gone!
Sam: Who's gone?
Rebecca: My diamond earrings. They're gone.
Sam: Calm down. Where'd you put them?
Rebecca: I had them in a tumbler, and I put it on my desk, and nobody was in there but me. And my door was locked the whole time and I was the only one that was in there.
Norm: No, no, the Admiral went in there to use the phone.
Rebecca: You're right. He was in there alone. Oh, Lord. The Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff of the United States of America, stole my earrings!

Rebecca: Oh! I just don't believe this! And he seemed like such a nice Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
Cliff: Rebecca Howe, this smacks of treason. I've got a good mind to place you under arrest.
Rebecca: Cliff, if you had a good mind, you would still be stupid.
Sam: Hey, come on. Why would anyone who has a super job, makes a great living, and can shop at any PX in the world, want to steal your earrings?
Rebecca: You saw them. They were gorgeous.
Cliff: All right, that's it. Rebecca Howe, I would like your social security number.
Rebecca: Oh, Cliff, shut up.

Norm: All right, wait, wait. Maybe he did take them.
Cliff: Oh, great. Seditionists everywhere.
Norm: No, no. Maybe the guy had an anniversary coming up, and he didn't have time to shop because he's too damn busy running the military.
Cliff: No, no. That doesn't wash, Norm. His anniversary was February 14th.
Norm: All right, Cliff. All right. Maybe this, okay? Maybe he wears them himself.
Cliff: Yeah, right. He wears earrings and I wear women's lingerie.
Woody: Carla, you were right.

Rebecca: See? They're not here. I told you, they are no here!
Sam: Calm down. Will you calm down, please?
Rebecca: I'm calm, I'm calm, I'm calm! What's the number for 911?
Sam: You are not going to call the police.
Rebecca: Sam, I have told you to remove your hand from many a location, but I have never been more serious than now.

Sam: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Come on. Back off here. They're earrings. You'll buy another pair.
Rebecca: Oh, yeah. Right! What are you going to do? Spot me $32,000?
Sam: American money?
Rebecca: I didn't exactly buy those earrings. I told the man at Shreve, Crump & Lowe that I just wanted to take them out for the evening to make sure that I really, really wanted them.
Sam: I don't think that dress is meant to do that.
Rebecca: And then I was going to just wear them tonight, and look really beautiful, you know? Then I was going to take them back in the morning. But God. Shreve is holding all my credit cards, the pink slip to my Mercedes, and my mom and dad's phone number.
Sam: Uh-oh. Good chance you could be sent to your room for five to 15 years.
Rebecca: You know, you're really not helping. Just get out of here. [Sam exits] God! I would do anything to get those earrings back. [Sam returns] Oh. Yes, Sam, I am exactly that desperate. I don't care what it takes. Go to the admiral's hotel room, sneak in there and steal those earrings. Just get them back for me and, yes, Lord help me, I will go to bed with you.
Sam: I'm going to turn this joint upside down. Starting with you.
Rebecca: Sam!
Sam: All right, all right, all right. Ending with you.