Rebecca: Carla, you hurt him.
Carla: Oh, thanks.
Rebecca: Well, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do, l- l'm just gonna open this letter. Maybe it is good news. I'm just so sick and tired of everybody in this bar having such a negative attitude. I mean, you know, good things do happen.
Norm: So, did they buy his joke?
Rebecca: [scoffs] Yeah, what do you think?

Norm: Mrs. Clavin, I have a confession to make.
Esther Clavin: What do you mean?
Norm: The Tonight Show didn't really accept Cliff's joke. I got ahold of the rejection letter and I sort of changed it around to make it look as if they accepted it.
Esther Clavin: Oh, my Lord.
Norm: I wanted to tell him earlier, but it's been so long since I've had a vacation and Lord knows I've needed one.
Esther Clavin: Norman, you are a naughty, naughty boy.
Norm: I'm sorry.
Esther Clavin: You're his best friend. You've got to do something or suffer the consequences.
Norm: Okay. All right, uh, let me see what I can do.

Norm: Excuse me, buddy. Uh, could I talk to you for a minute?
Cue Card Guy: What do you need?
Norm: Um, how would you like to make a couple hundred bucks?
Cue Card Guy: What are you talking about?
Norm: A friend of mine wrote this joke, and I was wondering if you could, uh, sort of slip it into Johnny Carson's monologue.
Cue Card Guy: Oh, sure, we do it all the time. Most of Johnny's jokes come from folks just like yourself in the audience who offer us money.
Norm: I admit it's, it's a bad joke, but the guy's entire existence is riding on this.
Cue Card Guy: This is a bad joke? I mean a sure clunker? Johnny will definitely bomb with this?
Norm: I'm afraid so, yeah.
Cue Card Guy: Well, I'm out of work in a month anyway. [chuckles] Jay Leno has his own people. Let me see the joke.
Norm: Oh, great, thank you so much. How much can I give you, huh?
Cue Card Guy: Ah, don't worry about it. Just buy me a beer after the show.
Norm: [hugs the guy] Wherever you go, people are the same.

Woody: You think there's a reason for all these stars and all these planets and for all of us being here where we are?
Sam: Yeah, Woody, I do.
Woody: Well, would you happen to know what that reason is?
Sam: Come on, man, I'm just proud of myself for installing this satellite dish.

Announcer: And now, he-ere's Johnny. [applause]
Johnny Carson: Thank you, folks. Please don't suck up; I'm leaving everything to Doc. I don't know if you know this or not, but today is Doc Severinsen's birthday. [applause] You really dressed up tonight.
Doc Severinsen: Yeah, a little something special.
Johnny Carson: If you think that's in bad taste, you ought to see him in his real birthday suit. [laughter]