Cliff: Uh, yeah, this is nothing anyway. The original rites of passage, uh, started with the jungle tribes down in Borneo.
Norm: Yeah?
Cliff: When young jungle tribal lad was, uh, on the brink of puberty, they'd bring him forward and, uh, take out this large, sharpened clamshell-
Sam: Oh, no, no. Don't tell me.
Cliff: They would, uh, fill it with dip, pass it around with the hors d'oeuvres.
Sam: Oh.
Cliff: Then they'd take these two big jagged rocks...
Norm: no, Cliff, Cliff, Cliff, Cliff.
Cliff: ...bang them together to call the tribes out of the hills. You know, then the, uh, witch doctor stepped up With this long, sharpened bamboo staff...
Woody: Oh, here it comes.
Cliff: ...shoved it into the ground and hung a flag on it. Then they danced around it pretty much till they dropped really.
Sam: Wait. W-W-When do they circumcise the kid?
Cliff: What do you mean, circumcise? There are no Jews in Borneo, you mulyock.

Woody: This is a piece of my very first baby blanket.
Norm: Now, uh, what do those little dots signify?
Woody: Well, that represents my very first childhood disease, smallpox. I almost died. [rubs it against his face]
Cliff: Well, what's that, uh, long green thing there?
Woody: Oh, uh, this is the beanstalk from my first high school play. I fell off of it in the first act, cracked 2 ribs and punctured a lung. I almost died. Oh, this red patch here represents the big fire that burned down my house when I was 6.
Norm: And what, you almost died?
Woody: No, I got out. But while I was running away, I fell in this well, right here and I almost... Well, you know.

Woody: Say, did his bellybutton fall off yet?
Frasier: Any day now.
Norm: What, what do you mean?
Frasier: Well, you see, when the umbilical cord is severed, the remaining umbilicus stays attached to the naval for several days, during which time it, uh, comes to resemble a sort of shriveled, week-old banana.
Cliff: Hey, you know, it's very funny you use that analogy because the, uh, human umbilical cord if memory serves is 90% potassium.
Frasier: Stay away from the baby, will you, Cliff?

Sam: You kidnapped him? What about the bris?
Frasier: Sam, I just couldn't go through with it. I mean, l... You know, I tried to. Tradition and Lilith and all that, but, my god, I'm the... I'm the boy's father. And that guy was about to give my son one hell of a boo-boo. I assure you, Frederick, this won't happen every time we have people over to the house.

Cliff: What, uh... So what did the little woman have to say about all this?
Frasier: Oh, my god, Lilith. You know, I never looked back after I elbowed her into the chopped liver.
Norm: Frasier, as a married man, I think I can give you some advice. You go back, you talk to her, you iron this out. What's the worst that could happen? I mean, she can't kill you. You were dead the moment you said, "I do."
Frasier: You're right. I should go back. But I'd be so embarrassed. I mean, how can you go back to a roomful of people that think you're a total idiot? I mean, how do you do it, Cliff?
Cliff: Well, I don't really like to divulge... Hey!

Lilith: You are all coming to the bris this afternoon, aren't you?
Sam: Oh, you bet, we wouldn't miss that bris deal for anything.
Frasier: You know, I can't tell you how much it means to us. As you all know, I was raised without a religious tradition, and I'm determined my son shall not be similarly deprived. I'm so grateful to Lilith and her Jewish faith for providing Frederick a heritage of spirituality. You know, and the ceremony promises to be quite enlightening, too. I mean, after all it's not everyday you're ritually circumcised.
Sam: What?!
Lilith: Well, that's what a bris is.
Frasier: Yes. It's the religious ceremony where the... The baby is circumcised.
Sam: Oh, the baby!

Sam: Come here, come here, listen, listen, I know what you'd tell me in a situation like this. First you'd say lots of gobbledygook that no one could understand but then you'd get me to go back there and face the music.
Admit the truth.
Frasier: Well, you're right, Sam. Confronting one's fears is one of five ways to resolve an inner conflict. Of course the other four being... God, aren't I pompous ass?
Sam: No, you're not pompous.

Cliff: Well, Norm, I'm glad we went to the ceremony.
Norm: Me, too, Cliffie.
Norm: I'm kind of proud of myself, you know? Figure if I could eat through that, I could eat through anything.

Frasier: Hello, everyone. It's Cranes a trois. Look who's making his first trip to the big bar. Ooh, show everybody his little fake l.D., hon.
Lilith: Frasier, please.
Frasier: Oh, I'm just having a little fun. You know, I've tapped into a whole new vein of humor with this baby thing. Oh, for example, how many babies does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: none! Babies don't have the motor skills or the depth perception to change a light bulb. [laughs]
Lilith: That one does get me.

Sam: He looks so different than he did in the hospital.
Frasier: Yes, I know. You know the days flee so quickly. If only we had had the foresight to capture those early days of innocence, but now, they're gone forever.
Sam: How old is he now?
Lilith: About a week.